Letters to Tuvia #12: September 5, 2015

Dear T,

I’m writing this letter early to you, hoping that I will be sleeping at 2 and 3 and 4 AM. I know you’d be hoping for that too.  Sleeping just hasn’t been good, not for a long time, remember?

Today could have been  my best day since you left.  Not much sleep last night, but when I started stirring at 6, debating about whether to cancel my training session with Anthony, I pushed out of the chair, headed for the bathroom and started my morning routine.  Grabbing and pulling up my exercise clothes, creating and downing my go-to breakfast I was in motion  out of the house is record time, way before 7:30. Imagine.

I arrived early at Body Fitness and not too excited about working out hard, but Anthony at his usual best moved  me smoothly  beyond my own expectations. Working out in my  cool exercise capris, Jodi raved. When I tried them on for you, you remarked (for the very first time) “You look skinny. ” Skinny… Maybe I didn’t gain any weight, given that I have indulged in some comfort food.

It was a great way to get back to myself and even though I didn’t, out of habit start calling you to let you know I was on the way home, instead I teared up a bit, just like that.

Back home, even with this new return to healthy exercise I made the mistake to visit your office, sit in your chair by the window and shuffle some papers on your desk.  Big mistake.  I fell apart. Good thing Ami was able to chat and share his late night wake ups from his Tuvia nightmares.

I pushed through, changed and headed for a meeting with Maris at Liberty Travel, to officially fill out the paperwork to cancel some of our upcoming trips so we get the correct refunds.  I almost opted out of that meet up too but again,  I kept the appointment and it felt good to resolve something hanging.  Maris was wonderful, as usual.

But the big event of the day was lunch at Hilda’s with Jane.  It was really the conversation that worked for me.  As I sat with them, outside at the table with umbrella up, you were everywhere. Everywhere!

What a great way to spend the day!  Thanks ladies.  Thanks Jane for your Italian  travel destination to think about.

Home by 3.  Texting with Rick, Tara, Jane and Leora. My community moves with me.

In the cool of the house, in my chair, with Netflixs going strong, thanks to Shimon and Ami, I watched and napped through Cairo Time, tearing, of course. One of our favorites.

At its end I started rereading Joan Didion’s Year of Magical Thinking.  I didn’t remember that she watched her husband go into cardiac arrest, suddenly and die right in front of her.  Deja vu, right? I am sure to learn something from her experience and refections and wonderful writing about something that I can now relate to directly.

So, even though it’s still a bit early for serious sleeping I am ready and hoping for the best.  Send me your best vibes, okay?  Tomorrow, I’m off to NYC for a movie and early dinner in MF and Don’s penthouse apt.

Miss you T.

Love,

Bonnie S.

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5 thoughts

  1. Loved our talk today-I walked onto the porch at the farm this afternoon, and flash backed to Tuvia, sitting in the rocking chair, and surveying the view. Life us all about making the most of the moment, and we made the most of the moment here with Tuvia, didn’t we, my friend?

  2. It seems like life is a push and pull, Bonnie, and I’m glad to hear you pushing, into exercise, doing some things that are hard, but good to be done. Glad you are making plans, for weeks ahead, and for tomorrow (now it’s today, I guess). Hugs to you this weekend.

  3. I read Didion’s Year of Magical Living and was changed by that book. I so understood her feelings, like not getting rid of something because her husband would need it. I have felt that way about loved ones who are gone. They will be back and will need this … I just knew a good friend was going to be so angry with me when I tossed out all of her makeup.

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