Evening T,
I was hoping to make it through the night but I still can’t get beyond midnight. Oh well, writing is my way to sleep. I can’t call you to share my day right?
Labor Day #1 without you was a day in Ellenville with my family, but first things first: Happy Birthday Mihael and Leigh and a good conversations with Ami and Adi. I needed all three today.
I shut up the house, making sure the garbage cans were set for pickup early tomorrow morning and I was off by 10.
An easy ride up the Thruway but in the lanes moving toward the city there was a clear taste for the traffic to come.
Arriving by 11:30, Marla had her kitchen in full swing, cooking and baking for the holidays to come. A cup of coffee, good conversation and soon I was making plans to have lunch with my dad and Martin at the newly renovated Gabby’s. Yes, Mexican. I know, not your favorite. Not my dad’s either but they both indulged me and my dad grabbed for the check and I let him. I know you would have never allowed that. Sorry, I’m bringing up Rosh Hashanah dinner from Harold’s next Sunday.
I was back to join Jeff and Marla for ride to Kingston to see Inside Out, a movie that Mihael, Mia and Adi loved. We loved it as well. You would have been checking your watch every 5 minutes, wondering why we were so immersed.
Then we headed back to Ellenville, picked up my dad and headed to the Public House for dinner, meeting up Nancy, Carl and daughter. Wonderful to see so much indoor and outdoor activity in the town.
And then we were in for the night. Jeff and Marla relaxed with TV, before bed. I left them until morning light when Jeff will be up brewing the first coffee for the day, bringing in the local papers and demanding CSNBC time.
It was a good day, a beautiful day, but… it was off, I was off without you.
I was just sitting across the table from you stirring a cup of yogurt and suddenly life as I knew it ended.
Miss you,
Bonnie S.
Digital Bonnie 
Good to be with family, and connected to the people you love , right? Those last lines, though….
Inspired by Joan D. That’s what’s weird.
Going through familiar events without my man. Feels strange
Bonnie, Be careful with the Joan Didion. It is a gut wrenching read after such a tremendous loss. If you can make it through this book, try A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. You are, in your own writing, doing the same thing he did when he lost his wife.
Thanks for the advice. 👍🏻
Each holiday — just like the Labor Day that just finished — is going to be the first without Tuvia. I cannot imagine how hard each of these will be, especially with the new year coming. Glad you were surrounded by family this weekend.
And every day in between.
I am so glad that you were with family this holiday weekend. Your last line is beautiful and heart wrenching. Blessings to you.
Thanks Julie hard to deal with these extremes
Thinking of you through the days, and glad you are “out there” with people, trying on this new life, Bonnie. Here’s a hug as you begin this week toward the holidays.
This is going to be a year of “firsts” for you, Bonnie. Glad you were able to share this first one with family. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Suddenly life as I knew it ended. I felt that way, too, when my husband died. The need to share life as we had come to do after years together remained strong. Keep writing your letters. Keep trying to understand. Marriage is one of the great mysteries of life, and it really isn’t over when one partner dies. There is still so much to figure out. Love does not die.
“Suddenly, life as I knew it ended…”.Such a clear description of how life as we know it can change in a moment…I am so glad you are surrounding yourself with family and friends as you make a new path through the days…finding joy, smiles and laughter…among the tears.