Letters to Tuvia #19: September 13 2015

Morning T,

Yes, it’s early, but I’m getting the hang of this LazyBoy and I can transform it into bed mode in a flash and sleeping has been  dreamy the last few nights.

As for yesterday, it could have been a total disaster but somehow,  a combination of your familiar mantra and my single-life muscle memory kicked in just in time to avoid depression.

I was up and ready for Anthony early, dressed for the gym and off in my car on empty weekend roads heading to Rockland with time to spare.  Not yet back on my daily exercise schedule, its been a pleasure to return to my weekly sessions with Anthony again.   I did well and felt great, now that my eating is more controlled again and  on its way to an improved normal.

But once I got back home the silence overpowered me.  Tara wasn’t feeling good ( I hope it wasn’t from  Fish  last night) and I made the mistake of sitting down.  Texting a bit with Leora and Ron, talking to the full family in Israel and getting news from my brother that Maya’s baby had arrived should have been enough, to build on my great start but the silence overwhelmed me.  What now?

But I heard you in my head yelling  Get up, Get up!

I changed, checked the movie schedule for Learning to Drive  and remembered that Sharon would be at her gallery from 4-9 and there was the rest of the day  ahead of me.

I was back in my car, off to Westwood for the first showing of this new movie with Ben Kingsley and Patricia  Clarkson, two of our favorites.  I had thought that we would be seeing it together, but it didn’t arrive soon enough for you.

I had enough time to park, and explore Westwood for a lunch place and found something Mediterranean.  It was a bit pricey but an interesting approach to chicken and Israeli salad and the waiter was very attentive but even though it was quiet when I first arrived the room soon filled and it was impossible for me to live my fantasy of making this a productive  reading experience as well.  I played with my phone instead.

I had my umbrella ready for the coming rain and I walked leisurely to the theater, paid my $8 and found a seat in an almost empty theater.  Now I had time to read comfortably.  As the theater filled and darkened I tried not to think about us waiting for a film to begin. So many rituals to leave behind.

I took your seat on the aisle to make this a different experience.

Honestly, I’m not sure how I felt about the movie.  I think I liked it- Ben and Patricia, were totally convincing  but the piece itself felt a bit too predictable, but it allowed me to escape for 90 minutes.

By 3 I was back in my car headed to Piermont for an afternoon with Sharon( one of your faves) surrounded by wonderful art. It would probably be a quiet afternoon for her with the weather so gloomy. She was already there when I arrived with window of opportunity for a walk and an ice cream stop.

We walked, we talked, we ate.

Back at the gallery we moved around the art comfortably, stopping to explore and of course, when I least expected it, it found a piece I couldn’t leave, three young teen girls sitting on a wall in school mode.  Sharon made my decision easy, suggesting a version of the piece that would make the cost of a good copy a non-issue.

Hmmm… I don’t know that you would have loved it, but you would understand why I was drawn to it.

Quality time with Sharon to end the day! I had all I needed to get back in my car at 7 and head back to our Paramus with enough energy to take on my bills waiting for me on my side of the kitchen table.  Done in less than 30 minutes and as usual, as the each one was stamped and moved to the basket on your wall, ready for a Monday pickup, I smiled.

Now for some TV and off to sleep.

A rich day, yes, not as good as it could have been with you,

Miss you T,

Bonnie S.

4 thoughts

  1. Glad that you listened to that ‘Get up, get up”. It seems that the day went well, & love the description of the art. I have a piece with school girls that is a favorite, so I understand. Have a good time with Tara!

  2. Bonnie–I’m going to remember these letters when I deal with a loss in my life. I feel like you are teaching me not only how to process the grief, but also to understand the physical and emotional demands of grief… Thanks for sharing your loss and your two steps forward and one step back with the rest of us! T would be so proud! I’m sure he’s smiling as he reads each of these letters.


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