Letters to Tuvia #21 Holidays?: September 14, 2015 #sol15

T,

I know you won’t be happy to hear this but as much as I tried to get back to normal today, grief snuck up on me with no notice.

Yes, it was a gorgeous day today and yes, I was back in my apartment with everything mine and yours, and yes, I was back with Jonathan, productive and creative, pplanning a new project with  my ukulele and some singing, maybe.  I can’t say anything more about that now. SHHHH….

But after conversations with Adi and Ami, I started to tear and shake and even my ride to Long Island, my long, slow ride to Long Island couldn’t bring me to a place of calm.  It’s just not in the cards right now.

Of course I did enjoy a holiday day dinner with family and kids around me but I am now officially in deep grief, with  a few flashes of sunshine…

No matter where I am, I’m missing you and that reality seems to transcend the current holiday season.

Miss you T, with all my heart ,

Bonnie S.

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19 thoughts

  1. Unfortunately there is no guidebook detailing how to get through grief. You never know when a word or place will bring on a feeling of sadness. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue. Take comfort in knowing that you are in the thoughts of many people at those times.

  2. Your letters reveal the depth of your love and connection. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this time of learning to live again…one step and then another…slowly…leaning on memories and forging new paths.

  3. Miss you with all my heart..yes, there was that much love. Still is. It’s being poured into remembering, poured into the things you do, the family and friends around you, into seeing the sunshine. Thank you for sharing with us.

  4. This is the toughest time of the year when you’re a Jew dealing with loss. There’s so much time for introspection and taking stock of one’s life. When you’re missing someone it makes this time so much harder.
    I know you’ll find your way through this, but I know it’s going to take time. We’re all here for you, Bonnie.

  5. Bonnie, grief is a hard place. And it’s so unpredictable. We are all pulling for you as your make your way through the coming days and weeks and months. Your love for Tuvia spills through your letters. Blessings and prayers.

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