Dear Tuv,
The day is ending and it was a mixed bag the way most days have been since you’ve been gone. It’s good to be with friends sharing meals, walking Nyack; it’s good to be productive, beginning my search for a new apartment in the future, it’s good to try and assemble a new lamp for the living room and then call Masis when it’s clear I won’t get too far. But my sadness always returns. I know, you aren’t happy to hear that. I know you don’t want to be the cause of my sadness but sorry, there’s so much to miss without you by my side.
But for now, I’m going to share something wonderful with you, something that will have you grinning.
Are you ready, Tuvia Rosenberg?
I returned to my guitar this morning. That’s right, for the first time in months and it felt good to have my fingers on the strings. Jonathan ran with my interest in taking on a fresh piece. He played a few possible choices and of course, I went with the piece in a minor key- El Mestre. Yes, it’s Spanish for the heart, for the broken heart, for the soul. You are my soul and this piece is for you and for me to fill my sadness with beauty.
I don’t have the patience to figure about the chords but Jon is used to that and included some fingerings that will make it easier for me to master this piece, small amounts at a time. Of course this is just an opening to return to my repertoire. Back to the Song of the Thief for this week. Slowly, I’m coming back to my music. Slowly.
Of course, I’m missing my audience. I’m remembering how much you loved it when I disappeared into my room to practice for an hour, sometimes even more when I lost myself in a piece. You would walk by the door and just stand there, sometimes gently pushing the door open, smiling into me.
And when put my guitar down and I returned to you you saw a different Bonnie, peaceful, calm- returning to you fuller. I hope playing music will give me even more peace as you listen somewhere.
Miss you T,
Bonnie S.
Digital Bonnie 
Music helps soothe the soul … the audience is there, but maybe in a new, spiritual way, Bonnie.
Kevin
Thanks sax man
I agree with Kevin. Music releases your should and mind from the mundane and allows an openness to the spirit. Healing the heart takes a long time and a lot of skill. It sounds like you have the tools necessary for this sad task.
Play on and you know Tuvia will be smiling down at you. You have so many talents, that music in the photo is a foreign language to me.
You are making him smile. Music is a powerful thing. So glad you have the ability to create it.
There is a focus when playing, even listening to, music that is not found many other places. Enjoy this new piece Bonnie, playing for Tuvia, but also for you.
I agree with Linda. You are playing for Tuvia (and I am sure he is enjoying every note and smiling down on you as you play), but you are also playing for you. You are doing something you love and moving forward. May you find peace and joy in your music and comfort in knowing that Tuvia is listening.
Loved that little scene you wrote about – with Tuvia at your practicing door. So like him, and I know how much you miss that presence.
I love these phrases: to fill my sadness with beauty….smiling into me. Thanks for sharing. Happy for you finding the music.
Thank you for teaching me about grief with these letters. I love these letters you are writing Tuvia and I’m keeping you close to my heart. Can we hear a guitar piece soon? : ) Sending love to you.
💋💋💋