Letters to Tuvia #43: Taking it Easy up the Thruway (10-9-15)

Morning Tuv R.,

There should be some rain today but it will be sunny for Columbus Day weekend. Rick is in from Israel for work and I’ll see him, the girls and my Dad tomorrow in Eville. My dad even wants me to stock his freezer with food from Harolds. Feels normal in a way, right?

Finally, after two earlier tries I did make it up to New Paltz. More normal. My HVWP family embraced me with warm, deep hugs from Tom, Jackie , Mary and Diane. Jess offered a visit from her infant son. Yes, a warm circle of friends ready to engage with me in our work but first Tom shared this poem.

Here’s the text:

Wild Geese

Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

Did you like it? It was perfect for me. I took it in. I kept taking it in during our session as I tried hard to keep my focus. I keep taking it in every time I read or replay the poet’s reading. Nurturing for the wounded.

Mary took time to walk with me to Main Course for lunch. Eliot (Judy’s husband, remember?) was enjoying lunch in the sunshine, surprised to see me in New Paltz and thrilled to let me know that he reads these letters every day. I know you don’t get this online sharing, but that’s okay. It makes me feel better and I know that’s enough for you.

It was good to catch up with Mary and walk her to her haircut appointment. I was feeling almost normal until I walked out into the sunshine took off my light jacket, grabbed for my phone to check in with you and filled my face with T tears as I realized that that normal was no more.

And the silence took over as I walked to my car, and started for home. I tried music on my IPod, my Faves playlist. As I sang along with Bonnie Raitt, I glanced across,to your side “I love it when you sing.” New normal- I won’t hear that again.

Life is not the same without you by my side,

Love you T,

Bonnie S.