Letters to Tuvia #61 Back Home (10-26-15)

Evening T,

Today was the two month anniversary of the official date that we gave up and allowed you to leave us.  I can’t tell if it feels like it was just yesterday or 6 months ago.  I’ve lost my sense of time although I am now into my first Fall without you and that feels strange.  Everything feels strange without you. No surprise, of course.

Today I was out early, leaving behind my brother and sister-in-law and the weekend back home in Ellenville.  It was good to be with family, really good, but I was missing my phone calls to and from you.

Missing you…

I was out early  to get back for my guitar lesson but I hit a dead stop around Chester(where we often stopped for coffee and a bathroom break) and used the time constructively to talk with James and  Ami.  I still made it home for most of my lesson and good news- I’m starting to get my focus back.  I was prepared and ready to add more on to my new piece.  You would love it, I think.

I raced out for lunch where I probably left my reading glasses and still made it in time for my therapy session with Sandy. Our conversation was charged and important and I can’t share it here.  Some things need to be private :).

The afternoon was back at the house- sifting through mail, setting out the garbage for tomorrow and then with time for a bit of shopping as I entered my favorite mall and there was Jackie D. walking toward me.  Can you believe that?

Jackie had a Panera lunch, I drank coffee, we walked the mall and landed in Chicos for a visit and then Macys.  So cool to run into her and share stories about you.

Dinner at Hilda’s and home…my apartment tonight.

Yes, I’m busy.  I’m trying to stay grounded and healthy.  I wish I could say I feel like the Bonnie you left behind.  I want her back but right now I am mourning you missing you every minute of every day.

It’s all about you right now T.  All about you.

Love you,

Bonnie S.

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5 thoughts

  1. Love the smile you wore for the camera. One day that smile will be back even when there’s no camera. Your life has a gaping hole, you can only fill it so much and the bottom seems to fall out. You are such a strong woman, it’s good to miss this man who filled your world.

  2. Sounds like a day full of Tuvia on this anniversary, but then good with family and friends for sharing memories, Bonnie. Hugs to you for continuing with that music, something to sink into for a while.

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