Missing Us

Evening T,

Just got home from the movie, Truth, the story of Dan Rather’s fall from grace at CBS.  I don’t think you got to see a trailer, but it had your name all over it. Robert Redford played Dan and Kate Blanchet, his loyal producer whose memoir inspired the movie.

It was good and I didn’t miss a frame but I kept warming the empty seat to my right just in case you joined us, just in case.  Trudy and Danny brought me along and they were great company.  But it felt strange being at the Burns without you. It’s been so long since we saw something there.

It was another glorious fall day and I was out with Sharon for a morning walk at Kennedy and then lunch with Freide, Trudy, Diana and Sharon.  They were very sensitive to me and refused to let me pay for lunch.  I did try, really.  I know, if you were with us you would have grabbed up that check before anyone blinked.  Sorry, I wasn’t fast enough.  But before Trudy left us she threw me a movie invitation and even though I was ready to take on a Friday night solo, I couldn’t say know to company for a light dinner and a movie, right?

Nice to be in Rockland for another day.  I got my ruby ring back  it was shining so brightly, thrilled to have it back on my finger.   One more ring to go and my new jeweler is thrilled to take up yet another challenge. We might be switching out stones in that first ring you got me. We’ll see in a few days.

It’s so strange to be living this routine without you.  Someone asked me what I’m looking forward to.  You know, I’m not looking forward to anything.   I would like it if we could could  just freeze time so I wouldn’t have to , celebrate a Thanksgiving without you, take on winter without you , travel to Israel or Cancun or any where else without you.  Of course I can’t freeze time but I’m dreading this year coming on me without you.

There’s the Bonnie now who lives in this familiar world  and the Bonnie who lives in her head and her heart with you.

Yes, I look better, I’m sleeping better.  I have breakfast food here in my apartment and in the house.  I’m wearing my new Chico’s creations and grabbing up my exercise clothes for the gym but I’m sleepwalking still.   I can easily disappear into myself and in there only you are invited.

The Mets are winning tonight.  Yes, the game is on the TV but I am with you.

Happy to be with you,

Love,

Bonnie S.