Letters to Tuvia #71 More Defrosting (11-5-15)

Dear Tuv,

These last two days have been the worst yet. I’ve been crying a lot, having trouble moving between you and the world.  I have been out of course. You know what I did yesterday even with a veil of tears in the way.

According to the experts I am now in the acceptance phase- I’m in real time and

                                    YOU ARE NOT COMING BACK!

Today I was up and down the Thruway for our bi-monthly HVWP leadership meeting  at New Paltz and then lunch with Jackie at Main Course.  When  I  missed the exit onto the Thruway   I wondered if I had the focus I needed to make the trip  but once I turned around( legally) and just kept going I knew I needed to be there.  Of course I created a new playlist on my iPod just for my new acceptance phase called EMBRACE.  At the moment there’s 10 tunes- all tunes for tears and boy was there a flood.  Good thing I could easily grab for your stash of tissues, close by.

It was a good being with my circle of friends who care about me and don’t expect me to do more than I can.   My walk and lunch with Jackie allowed me to share what I needed to share.

On my way back to my place I stopped at the house for a dose of you, to grab up a few things I need for tomorrow and damn, I  forget to stop at Harolds for Marla’s Thanksgiving prep.  Good thing we live so close together. There’s still time tomorrow.

So Tuv you’ve been where I am now and good thing you didn’t share too much of your mourning experience  with me. But who am I kidding, it wouldn’t have stopped me.  I will never regret a moment I spent with you.

Bring it on.  I was waiting for you to find me my whole life.

Miss you with all my heart, Tuvia Rosenberg,

Love,

Bonnie S.

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13 thoughts

  1. “But who am I kidding, it wouldn’t have stopped me. I will never regret a moment I spent with you.”
    That, in a nutshell, is why your love was so pure. Even though you’re hurting so much, you have no regrets. That is a beautiful thing, even though you probably feel raw and ragged right now.
    Like Elsie, I’m sending hugs you’re way. Thinking about you every day.

  2. I came here for the same quote. I appreciate that you are being so real! It’s OK not to be “fine” and not everyone realizes this. So good for you, Bonnie! Hugs from here as well.

  3. There was a quote on Facebook this week about grief. Something about it being OK because it means you have loved. I am paraphrasing badly, but you are trudging through the best you can holding on to that love. It will see you through.

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