Letters to Tuvia #75 Weekends Running Solo (11-9-15)

 

Morning T,

I don’t really remember me without you anymore. My pre-Tuvia life is very vague and I’m happy to leave the past vague.  I’ve always preferred the present and future to the past even though I’m a lifelong history major. Sadly though, you are my past now, but nope, not going there and I know you don’t want to be my past, not yet.

I just completed another tough weekend running solo  and yes, I’m glad to see it go.  Together  weeks, weekends were all the same.  Together we  had the power to control our life schedules 24/7.  But the rest of the world treats weekends differently and without you, I need to figure out a social life on weekends.

Yes, I have the world of movies and it’s not a problem to show up and get my ticket and a seat of my choice and with my handy Kindle I can read to my heart’s delight before showtime, although there’s no silence now before a movie.  That’s okay and yes, I do have friends who are flexible with their weekends but there’s more leisure time and   I hear you pushing me out the door.

“Don’t stay home by yourself! Get out of the house!”

You’re right.   It’s a killer to stay home, alone, but now weekends take more planning, because the rest of the world cherises their weekends and to build my weekend life I need to fill in my calendar if I want company.  I need to get ready to ride.   Although this particular weekend my energy just wasn’t there.  I had to cancel my dad for lunch, cancel my presence at the HVWP on Saturday, turn down Rebecca’s invitation to her family party for her dad.

I know you’re frowning, wishing I hadn’t stayed home but you weren’t here to keep me company and your absence is making it harder to sleep through the night no matter what bed I chose for the night.

Anyway… weekends… I have to plan better, push in more for company.   I did enjoy a Cheesecake Factory dinner with Hilda and a marathon call with Zehava and lots of Facebook support. (I know you don’t get the Facebook thing.)

But it’s the start of another week T, and Ami has just arrived at Newark and he’s probably missing your call.  So right now I’m going to take a break and call him for you. Okay?

“Yes, CALL HIM!!!!”

Just got off and succeeded in making Ami smile as he answered my call from “you”.

Damn Tuvia I wonder if I’m entering the anger phase of loss.

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5 thoughts

  1. Tuvia’s voice and routines echo in your mind as you discover how to continue without him beside you. New routines, especially over weekends have yet to be discovered. Keep listening to that strong voice urging you to get out. He’s such a smart man.

  2. It seems that Tuvia gave you good advice, and lovely that you’re still hearing that voice shouting (whispering too) to you Bonnie. Glad you had some good meals with friends and a good talk with another. Weekends are different, I agree. The world swirls around in a different way. Recognizing that is a step forward. Hugs for Monday!

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