Letters to Tuvia #76 Deep Sadness #sol15

Dear T,

Trust me, you will not enjoy reading this letter. My friends won’t either but hey, it’s raining today and I’m body surfing on a T wave that won’t let up.  I’m breathless actually but writing will help me, so that will make it easier to read, right?

I was just in Nyack, visiting my new favorite jeweler as he continues to refresh our rings. Just got this one back with a set of  new gems.   Does it look at all familiar?  It was the first one from you. Uplifting!!!!



The rain’s serious now as I walk back to the car, feeling weighed down by your wave, drowning in my sadness and I realize that I am walking down a street that we’ve walked on many times, but it’s the very first time that comes back to me.  I’m sure you wouldn’t remember it but here it is.  Maybe it will ring a bell of familiarity:

It’s an early sunny, Sunday morning in October 1996 and we are a brand new couple listening carefully to each other, sticking together with that glow of a blooming new couple, exhausted and ravenous.

I am talking, sharing my passion for history and you are listening, listening and grinning,

“Tell me more about this passion you have for ancient history.  Tell me more about your adventures in Athens, lost in the middle of the city.  Tell me more… tell me more…

And I talk and talk and you listen with your ears, your eyes, your body, your soul.  And maybe no one has even listened to me the way you did that morning, that first time we walked Broadway.

And maybe that will never happen again.

And maybe that will be okay.

Here’s something that my cousin Elaine posted on Facebook for me.  The waves are crashing all around me as I hold it together with this active writing to know…



I need to get away today and so back into the city for an afternoon with Leigh, the perfect distraction to a heavy heart.

Love you T.

Love you,

Bonnie S.

18 thoughts

  1. Bonnie, as the waves come crashing around you and the rains soak down into your bones, there is solace in writing. Your strength of character is still evident in this letter although your heart is heavy. May your loving memories comfort your sadness.

  2. The nice thing about waves and rain is that they eventually subside and the sun comes shining through. Keep in mind, Bonnie, the song form Carousel,
    “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

  3. Beautiful ring, beautiful memory of being together. I love the way you describe being a new couple, so intent on each other. As long as you continue to reach out to those near, you can ride the waves. Your community of friends throw you a life line and pull you back when you begin to drown.

  4. I wish I could write something that would give you comfort but I know that you must walk this strange path alone. I call it strange because sometimes it hurts so much and yet at other times you can turn a corner and find a piece of happiness like your ring. I hope the corners of happiness come frequently.

  5. That piece from your friend is a good life, just as we want it, but oh those waves are hard. I love hearing about your and Tuvia’s listening to each other, I love the ring, and I also love that you know to grab a piece of wreckage to hold (like going back into the city with your friend). Hugs for those steps every time, Bonnie.

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