I was itching to write to you last night. NO, I was itching to grab my iPhone as I left Leigh in the city and CALL YOU as I did most nights for the last 20 years as I left somewhere and headed back home to you.
Now, there’s that silence that closes in on me as I find myself surrounded by other drivers headed for homes. I try to distract myself with NPR, with playlists on my iPod but honestly, I can’t. I sing along with faves- Barbara, Bonnie, Laura, Aretha. We are all singing to you but really all I want to do is grab that phone and talk to you for just 3 minutes.
“Are you coming?”
“Do you want me to come?”
“YES!!!! COME HOME!!! How was it?”
“It was wonderful to be with Leigh. She is so grown up, still caring. Remember, as a kid she was the one with the best spontaneous hugs that you loved?”
” I remember.”
” My mom called her sweetness. She is building a wonderful life for herself in a lovely apartment that’s very close to her terrific new man.
We both missed you, T.”
” I know, me too. How long will it take you?”
“No time at all.”
Instead I headed back to my apartment, patiently moving slowly through the bumper-to-bumper traffic, navigating into the right lane on the GWB that would take me onto the Palisades instead of to Route 4 and Paramus.
Back home I turned on the lights, the heat, the Republican debate #4. I lit a Duraflame log, changed into pjs and found a call coming in from Jane and with you gone and Michael asleep we felt free to catch up- a phone marathon that you never understood. More than 5 minutes on the phone? Really?
YUP!!! Perfect way to end another very difficult day without you. Good thing for me I had help from Sharon, Leigh, Jane, the jewelers, NYC, coffee, the Republican clowns…
Today it’s still cloudy, windy, chilly, sad. At the house Ron, Ami and I have invited real estate agents from the area to get some profession input as we set a timeline to prepare the house for sale and close the chapter on our lives with you there and that’s a conversation for many letters to come.
Wish you were here and we were talking about the NWP conference next week in Minneapolis and when you would be joining me.
Damn, T, why aren’t you still here with me?