Evening T,
I’m writing at the very best time of this day- right after a 2-hour dinner at Bone Fish with Ron and Leora- complete with food, drinks, dessert and good conversation with the BF staff.
August 21-November 21- three months- I can’t tell if it’s been a long 3 months or a short 3 months, but I know for sure, that it’s been the hardest 3 months of my life and there’s even more to come- more months that I can’t forward to without you. Sorry, I know you don’t want to hear that but for the last 2o years I woke up most mornings( probably all) looking forward to what lay ahead of us. I couldn’t wait to begin a new season, even winter- the first snowfall. Thanksgiving, the holiday season, New Year’s Eve… all the romance we would share together.
In my present, in my day-to-day life I’m happy to just get through it feeling balanced. I miss being the woman whose glass is more than half full- 99% full.
My days seem to be full if you measure a day by the list of activities you can include. Today I woke early, prepared breakfast, showered, dressed and got out of the house on time to arrive at the gym by 8 for a workout session with Anthony and I worked hard with him and it felt good.
But at the end of the hour I was back in my silent car, and off to my apartment to get ready for Ron’s memorial service for his beloved wife Fredi, (our downstairs neighbors for many years) who died just one month after you. It meant a lot to him that I was there and if things were different, you would have been there with me. It was a powerful event that reminded me of our service for you.
With the sun shining and a full stomach of lunch with Joy, I was back in Paramus for a bit of shopping at my go-to Chicos under Val’s direction and then a meet up with Ron and Leora and at Nordstrom’s a new winter jacket. I’m still very good a shopping and it does bring a smile to my face.
I miss our life together and soon I’ll have to deal with the physical end of our home here in Paramus. Even after a great evening with family, it’s still not the same without you.
Miss you my love,
Bonnie S.
Digital Bonnie 
Glad that the weather is not keeping you from being out and enjoying friends, Bonnie. I hear that feeling of saying goodbye over and over again in different ways, not easy. Hugs for a clear day today, some nice moments too.
And this feeling of being fragmented
Outside world events
Interior meltdowns
Things aren’t the same even though the routine is the same. You have another busy day ahead, I hope you can find some joy in some of today.
Me too
Loved our text chat
its not the same, echoes through your days. You remind me to savor each day with every post. My son and his family is here for the week. Every moment with them is precious. Thank you, Bonnie.