Thanksgiving #1 is coming to an end, T,
Well wrong again. I thought this would event be a cake walk but no, I was sliding down a mountain, into a snake pit.
I sat on the couch in Jeff’s living room this morning right on the edge of explosion and as each family member stopped by to chat, there was nothing I could say, nothing- just tears.
So I sat certain that I needed to avoid the mob scene the would start to arrive in just a few hours. Thirty-three in all with lots of wonderful kids. I was looking forward to the mob, but now in the light of reality, what was I thinking? Maybe it would have been better to opt for Jane’s table or Tara’s- smaller, not family.
By noon a plan was in the works- I was ready to quietly bolt for home. I didn’t have a lot of energy but probably just enough for one careful ride home with a pit stop if necessary on the Thruway. I packed my bags and walked casually to the front door. I was almost home free until Marla and Rasha discovered me as at the door and quickly determined to hold my carry-on hostage until I agreed to reconsider and stay.
But I was sure I needed to get away. I left my bag and made my way to the car and after a few minutes I was off. Calls started coming from Marla, from my brother and then texts from Amanda, from Josh, from Rick. I couldn’t win and I couldn’t stop. In Wurstboro I pulled into the Stewart’s for a coffee and corn muffin and time to just breathe and think.
There was no place to be. No place to be, so I turned the car back to Ellenville and slowly returned to take on my first Thanksgiving without you, Tuv R. I miss being happy with you.
Bonnie S.
Digital Bonnie 
I’m glad you reconsidered and returned to family. Every event will have its own twists and turns and nothing will be easy. Hang in there Bonnie!
Sorry for, as Elsie wrote, the twists and turns, but again sending warm hugs for turning around and going back to the support ready for you. Tough day, and you made it through.
Bonnie, My heart ached for you as I read your post. Focus on this today if you can, you made it through Thanksgiving 1 without losing your mind completely and next year you will remember that you can do it. You will smile again, you will celebrate again, it is just you will never be able to do it the same way again.
Yes, I know you miss being happy. And Tuvia is happiness for you. I’m glad you turned back to family, though.
I remember a friend insisting I come to a New Year’s Eve party when I had just buried my mother a couple of days earlier. It was a huge mistake. I had to escape the merriment as it just didn’t fit where I was.