Letters to Tuvia#94 So Here’s What I’m Learning (12-5-15)

Evening T,

What a whirlwind of activity, emotions and travel and  I’m feeling like I want to make sense of where I am right now, right at this moment in this life I’m trying on for size.

So here goes:

Thursday and Friday were total winners.

What a pleasure to ride up and down the Thruway on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for HVWP at SUNY New Paltz, Ellenville for a Friday night dinner and a book reading to a full house at the library and drinks at Aroma Thyme, surrounded by  Eville buds who read my letters to you. It’s okay, T, really.

Ami, Adi and the kids arrived this morning at 6am for a Chanukah visit and yes, I made sure to call and welcome them for both of us and even though the ride back today was a marathon of driving I was back in the warmth of your family, our family.  Yes, they were all jet lagged  but by 6PM we were all sitting together at Precious ordering Chinese food for 8.

I sat in between Leora and Mihael, who was trying his best to stay awake but when he moved  to cuddle with Ami, you took his seat- your rightful seat and a new tsunami was birthed.

From that moment on I was helpless to stop the tsunami that began to submerge me. Strolling on Washington, we chatted in pairs, entered the house and took our seats around the dining room table for dessert and Rummikub . As I sipped coffee and joined the game, I fought hard but   I was melting into the wall, tearing up even as we were forced to call it a night and pack up for home.

As I rode home, back to my place, I was careful with the music I played, I was careful to control my car’s speed, I carefully, trying  hard to relax, consciously breathing deeply.

But here’s the good thing:

Yes, the tsunamis continue but I am starting to take them on, understand them, describe them… they are reminders of what we had and will always have.  They are my reminders of you and maybe they won’t be as painful as time passes…

But for now…  I grieve with love  for you Tuvia,

Another Sunday is coming…

Bonnie S.

 

 

 

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5 thoughts

  1. The memory of what you had is the anchor to hold onto as the tsunami arrives. Having family near during the holidays will support you. One day you will surf the tsunami, you have such wonderful memories in pictures, film, and in your mind.

  2. You will always be conscious of Tuvia’s absence. I’m proud of you my friend for remaining in the present and being able to enjoy the family even so. They are here, they are with you, and you are their connection to their beloved Saba. Enjoy them for Tuvia, he would want that.

  3. It will happen, those giant waves ready to take you down, but this time you did change some of the scene. You seemed to ride with them, hard as it was. And still with the family, I’m guessing relied on their warmth to carry you, Bonnie. I’m glad for you that you saw a difference. Tuva was still there, watching over, wasn’t he? I’m glad that the family from Israel is there to be with you this week.

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