Letters to Tuvia #102 Patience for Me, Happy Holidays to You! #sol15

Evening T,

As I write this I have Adele’s NYC show on TV and I think you would actually enjoy a bit of Adele, Bonnie style.  Just you that is 🙂  Adele at Radio City- what a night for her!  She’s such a breath of fresh air in all her authenticity.

Bravo Adele!

As for me, I’m not able to be the Bonnie I love best, like the one in that picture just above, It’s the Bonnie that kept you young for your age.  It’s the Bonnie that embraced each new day with joy, with energy.
I’m still waking up in tears and even though I sleep the sadness of grieving saps my power.  I am happy to get out of bed and get to it- to my early morning routine. The tears have just become part of my morning routine because I’m always missing you , Makes sense right? been .  But  even in the tears and the lethargy, Mondays have become the best day of week- my reward for getting through Sunday- the hardest day of my week.

Monday begins with music- Jonathan works me hard, takes me wherever I am and pushes me to a new place and the piece I’m working is moving slowly but it’s gorgeous- perfect for my melancholy. Finally after that David Broza concert  Ami sent us to, when my heart stopped beating as he played his guitar just for me I knew  I get music back into my life and yes, I do still love it even if you aren’t here to listen as  my #1 and only groupie.  Now I’m  playing for me.

A long hour of music and then a bit of a break but I wouldn’t let myself sit too long.  I was up and out even if the mountains was covered in a dense fog.  I got down to the bottom and got to the gym to sweat on the stair master and read more of  one of my favorites- Shadow of the Wind– it’s even better the second time around.  Barcelona in 1945- that’s the Barcelona I was dying to visit but no way could that happen as a tourist in 2012.  Oh well, I’m back in 1945 now and so happy to be back with the gang, embroiled in its dark mystery.  Perfect for now, right?

I had time to keep reading as I stopped for a good salad at Zinbergers after my workout. Just enough time for a break before I  traveled back up 59 to be early for my appointment with Sandie.

An hour now to make sense of where I am in this mourning process with someone who understands the process.  She listens as I share the highlights of the weekend- our walk-through the house, our visit to the cemetery, the city on Saturday with family, my friends for walks and meals.

We talk for a good chunk of the hour, but I know there will always be time for me to feel a bit uncomfortable as she has me move through deep breathing exercises, all to get my energy flowing again through my body.  Today she set up her  cube, complete with a tennis racket and gloves.  I remember when the shoe was on the other foot, when I made my drama kids come out of themselves with movement and concentration exercises.  They were probably feeling what I felt.  But by the time I am feeling better, I knew it was a good thing.  And yes, as I held the racket above my head and slammed it down on the soft cube, over and over I felt the energy return to me.  It felt good.  It’s the energy I took for granted in that picture up at the top.  It’s the energy that Sandie would have liked you to see return to my body.

Miss you T,

Good night,

Bonnie S.

PS

Slicers if you’re still reading, I hope you will join us this year as I put to gather a community video of Joy 2015- just one joy images with a title or caption.  Just send it to me at my email-

blkdrama@me.com

 

 

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14 thoughts

  1. It is good to see a picture of you smiling, even if it is an old one. I think it is interesting that you have your arms wide open to life in this picture. A good sign that you chose it. Wishing you more smiles.

    • Thanks so much Bernadette. It’s a long road ahead. I’d like to make it move faster but can’t. Amazing love demands its time to mourn. But I am beginning to understand the process.
      Have a wonderful holiday and thanks for your joy image!

  2. I’m so glad you have Sandie and your music. They are the reward that starts another week. I hope you are getting a lot of responses to your call for joy. It will be good to be immersed in joy photos.

  3. It seems like Monday is the day you hold onto, after pushing through the weekend, you know that Monday will come with hope to make another week happen, some joy and some sadness. The mixture certainly is a see-saw, yet knowing that is hopeful, isn’t it? Hoping you do NOT get snow per your wishes, Bonnie! Thanks for doing another video, something for you and us all to look forward to.

  4. Love the picture, Bonnie. Here’s hoping that with Sandie and your music you are able to get to that place once again. There is always joy amidst the sadness. Wishing you much joy.

  5. Your plea at the end was perfect. I stopped everything, and made myself send a pic (without perusing all my pics from the year). I remembered one particular joyful pic and sent it. Sending blessings and energy your way.

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