I have a fire going at 6:30 am but it’s only for the mood. No snow so far and on Christmas day we could be back in shorts and sandals without getting on a plane and heading to Cancun.
So just like me, the weather is out of sync.
Thanks to Facebook for providing the past for each day we’ve posted something and I have a lot of stored moments in words and images.
Here’s where we were last year on this day last year:
Tonight is the last night of Chanukah and I’m loving the sweet way Tuvia and I celebrate this festival of lights every night, in fact, tomorrow night I’m going to miss our routine. Simple and sweet. I say the prayers and light our menorahs. Tuvia’s small one came with him from Israel 40 years ago. Mine, more grand and newer has a much shorter history behind it, just my love of good crafts from a funky shop in Nyack, but we both love it.
And one year later I’m in a new life without you and I’m kicking and screaming and crying! I am trying to make it work. You can find lots of smiling pictures of me with friends and family and yes, I enjoyed the moments. I loved being out in my life with people who care about me. But when I get back into my car or my freshened apartment I can’t pick up the phone and share it with you.
You aren’t here!
Yesterday, with Sandie, we spent most of our session taking on that reality: crying, beating the cube with a tennis racket but mostly just lying on a couch and breathing deeply. I know that sounds weird to you, but by the end of the session I felt amazingly energized and peaceful.
Mourning is exhausting and I don’t even realize it. I don’t put it together that my lack of focus comes from my sadness that you aren’t here with me to celebrate life together.
Sandie will be away until February and I promised I would take the time to consciously breathe deeply at least 5-10 times a day. With the experience so fresh in my memory banks I have been breathing everywhere and yes, I feel better.
Wish you could be here to see me. Wish you could be here and then I could just breathe with you.
Miss you today and every day!