Letters to Tuvia#112: In Unchartered Territory (12-26-15)

Evening T,

I’m in and settled on a Saturday night: early dinner, exercise on my new ellipse and a plan to being to move house things here. I can see you shaking your head, “throw away! Throw away!”  Sorry, your silence keeps me fueled to do it my way.  I think I need Dana here to supervise.

See what’s happening in Israel?  Mia and Mihael picked out their very first family dog- a lab and she arrives on the day I leave for Tel Aviv.  What fun ahead but still too soon to be packing. The study needs floor space.

Today I gave up my gym session with Anthony to await the arrival of my Ellipse.  The delivery team arrived early and worked efficiently- and I could have jumped right on as they waved good-bye.  Yes, I tipped them.

I needed time to get used to it.  I needed time to unpack my car.  I needed time to breathe through some tears as I’m lifted out of our life so dramatically. It’s just another day without you and that acceptance is so hard.  It’s hard to believe that it won’t always be so painful not to have you here with me.  But I keep at it, this life I don’t want.

An afternoon movie at the Burns.   High hopes were dashed with Youth.  Michael Caine, Harvey Kieitel, one of your faves- Rachel Weitz and it didn’t matter. It moved so slowly- it was the pacing- a bit of  dialogue and then music and scenery shots over and over again.  What?  I did snooze a bit but for sure, I didn’t miss anything.  I’m sure you would have been staring at your watch, giving me the eye for an early exit, annoyed that we-I had selected a dud.

I was just happy to be away for a few hours, just trying to navigate in this unchartered territory.  Can I really enjoy life without you- alone?

Miss you on a Saturday night, miss you every night.

Bonnie S.

4 thoughts

  1. I saw Michael Caine interviewed about this new movie, & they were talking Oscar, so I’m glad to hear the truth from you, Bonnie. I don’t go to many movies, so count on you to tell me what to see! That puppy is adorable, will be a handful for a while, won’t it? Glad you got the new equipment, maybe good for bad weather days? I’m with you in the “mess” that going through things becomes, so hard to choose what to keep, what to move. I’ll just tell you that I simply waded in, then quit & did other more positive things when I needed. Step by step seems to be the mantra! But, on the positive side, going through some brought good memories, no matter the sadness. Hugs again!

  2. Too bad the movie was not engaging. So you will get to see the puppy? It will keep the family hopping. Love your new machine, it will get a workout when weather keeps you tied to the house. Weekends are the longest bits of time. This weekend we are confined to the house due to heavy rains. Hope to see Star Wars tomorrow.

    • Seems like I’m making progress but I don’t feel it yet. I’m just filling time and trying to stay sane.
      Yes, the movie was boring, the dog will be cute and life moves on around me … This is hard. But thanks for hanging in with me.

  3. Oh, I too had high hopes for the movie, Youth. Oh well, such is the life of movie-making. Our daughter is arriving tonight with her family and she and her dad will head out tomorrow to see Star-Wars. They have seen most of the movies together. I’m not a fan. It’s got to a very special movie to get me to the theater. Unlike you, I see very few movies, maybe one or two a year. Maybe.

    As for that office jumble, oh my. I could not abide it. I’m sure you will be quite busy sorting, moving, and throwing out. I’m a big believer in purging.

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