Letters to Tuvia #114: The Kennedy Center Honors without you? (12-30-15)


Evening T,

I was up early today as usual, complete with a cup of coffee, a log in the fireplace, a good conversation with James and texting with Tara- a very comfortable morning routine.  I was hoping to  fold in a stint on my new ellipse in my pjs but there was no way. Just not enough energy.  But there’s always time later, right?

Let me save today for now.  Yesterday needs sharing.

Even though I didn’t get off the couch,  I had lots of time to enjoy my morning until I left to join my SUNY Babes at Agita’s for lunch.  A dreary ride up the Thruway and Route 17, but this time I was sure that I was arriving on the right day and at the right time and yes, Agita answered the door  with a house filled with activity from two grandchildren and a very friendly son, Andrew and Lynn  who had already arrived, with Jane not far behind me.

What a feast of food and conversation! Books and movies to share, updates on the state of education, politics and of course of lives with three out of four, without our men.  I am proud to be a member of the wonderful group and hope to see more of them soon, even though Lynn will be away for three months.

I hated to leave, but Dana  was waiting back at my place, finishing up her work and then be ready to support me as I planned to attack the last of the  boxes in my chaotic study. I walked into a clean apartment and a patient Dana was geared up to order Chinese from the Golden Mushroom and then begin the last challenge to reclaim my home, first sifting through the old stuff to make way for new stuff.

I can here you insisting: ” Throw away, throw away!”

Dana was a great help as I passed the rejects to her and watched her fill up 8 garbage bags, moving through  piles of stuff on top of the desk, in the drawers  and more even more stuff on neighboring surfaces.  She helped move me through a  few land mine memories that caught me by surprise.  In two hours we  had had enough and even though I still had more boxes to sift through, we both needed to stop for the night.

By 8:30 with my arms filled with bags, I followed Dana out into the cool air thanking her over and over for her time and support.

Excited to have my study looking good again, I was  ready to add a new log in the fireplace and begin watching the annual  Kennedy Center Honors.  All set: great tributes to George Lucas( Steven Spielberg), Rita Moreno, Cicely Tyson, and   Carol King.  It was great as usual, but I couldn’t keep myself focused.

What?  What was going on? Everything was perfect except...

no you!

As Seiji Ozawa, one of your faves was applauded  by Itzhak Perlman, another one of yours, my flood gates opened and I cried my way through the music of  one of my faves, Yo-Yo Ma, as he played Tchaikovsky with a group of young aspiring students honoring Ozawa  who also cried his way through the music.  I couldn’t help but take myself back to our musical lives at Tanglewood  and Lincoln Center, tangled up with that same trio over and over again…

Tuvia, we all missed you last night.

It’s just not the same without you.

Miss you my love, miss you,

Bonnie S.





8 thoughts

  1. Glad to read your study is back in shape. What hard work it is sifting, sorting, and discarding! How great that you had help! Sounds like a great group to discuss books and movies. I only made it through Lucas and Moreno before I fell asleep. You have rich memories to pull out as needed.

  2. Tuvia would be happy with the progress you’ve made on your study. I missed the Kennedy Center Honors…sadly, because I have many memories of Ozawa. A giant of a musician, for sure.

  3. We were out so I missed the Kennedy Center special, too. Hope it will be re-run. Your study picture certainly showed the huge amount of work you accomplished with Dana’s help, nice to have a person along keeping you going. It sounds like a good day, Bonnie, and that missing Tuvia is just sweet because of the loves you referred to between the two of you. I’m sorry that’s it’s hard, yet there is a part of me that loves that you have those memories. Hugs for keeping on!

  4. Oh ,Bonnie, it is so hard to branch out on one’s own…letting go of love and expectations. While my own parallel losses are different…. I am.living a similar, sad, end to this year. I am hoping ,2016 will be our year.

  5. It is so hard to part with stuff – glad you had help and that you stopped when you were both tired. My daughter is setting aside one day a month to helping me declutter in the new year. Tremendous gift to me because I tend to get overwhelmed so easily by stuff, and she loves decluttering. Not at all surprised that you missed Tuvia as you watched the Kennedy Center Honors. I saw that one coming. Savor the memories of earlier times spent with Tuvia. Blessings as you navigate this new life.

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