Morning Tuv R.,
I was dreading my meet-up at the house yesterday, in fact, I arrived “fashionably” late. Ami had his construction team there and Ron was focused on following the suggestions offered by our real estate agent to prep the house for its sale. Good thing it was a sunny day because I entered our home with the screen door wide open and outside repair in motion.
As much as I made myself crazy with worry and sleeplessness, it was okay. I entered the house as Ami and Ron were right there welcoming me to join them as they walked the house together. We found our way to the living room and talked cooly about the TV cords that I should take for my TV back home. Ron has offered to help me improve my system.
I was shocked that I wasn’t more emotionally attached to the experience. Both Ami and Ron encouraged me to take more of the big things, but I politely refused. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in motion, taking time to move out and away from our life in Paramus since November. I’ve been moving us back to my place. Things that matter to us are already there: Your attache case is in its place, on the side of the couch in the study; your glasses for tea are in my cupboard,your Medical ID badge, that you wore proudly every Thursday morning for the weekly lectures at Englewood hospital, now lives on my night stand next to my side of the bed. You/we are everywhere.
I don’t know how I’ll feel when the house is sold, when our Paramus life is officially over but I think it will be okay because I will already be dealing with other life issues. What am I doing tomorrow? What will life be like a year from now?
All the things in the house are just things without you and if you’re not coming back, I can leave it for the next family to love.
Love you always,