Another good night of sleep last night, even if it was filled with images of Hillary and Bernie as their last night’s town hall, played over and over on my bedroom TV and seeped into my dreams: I had lunch with Bernie and dinner with Hillary, both fighting for my support. While I loved Bernie’s mind and his thick Brooklyn accent, Hillary was anchored in the real world. As we got ready to order dessert, Bill arrived and ordered liquors for the full room and how could I refuse his hand-delivered bag of Clinton swag.
It’s hard to believe that the Republican reality is even more insane. The Donald is bringing us to an all-time low as he continues to fight in the mud with Rubio a Cruz. The world is trembling and you would not find this funny.
But even in the craziness, even in the gloom of yesterday’s rain somehow I found myself moving with real energy. I wasn’t sleepwalking through the day.
My early morning conversation with James, my power breakfast, my move off the couch to my Ellipse with my Kindle copy of The Lightning Thief on my way to the finish line and download book 2 as Mihael in Tel Aviv continues with me on our adventures with Percy and the Greek Gods. Bonding with my favorite 11-year-old!
Into a shower, refreshed and off to town for strawberries and coffee at Strawberry Place. Of course I tuned out Valentine’s Day decorations- way too much for me to process. But it felt good being there with a new book sample on my trusty Kindle. In the first minutes, chapter one of My Name is Lucy Barton, loved by Tara and written by one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Strout went down well, just whetting my appetite for more. The full version was bought and downloaded even before a coffee refill arrived.
A comfortable hour of reading at my favorite neighborhood spot. Maybe this has been one of my fantasies, to be in that spot, comfortably sipping coffee and reading a good book. Success!
Back home, dried out from the steady rainfall, I had to take on my guitar and my refusal to practice without you to cheer me on. I’ve been itching to pick it up and just play for me. Yes, I finally, I did it, and it was good. I was focused and patient and heard Jon’s voice in my head, directing me as I returned to my latest piece that’s taking forever to move through. But I just can’t have him show up on Monday without preparing. He’s been amazingly patient and now I need to step up and I using your passing as an excuse. I know, you’re smiling.
And now for something new in the mix- My first class with Jake at the new gym-a small group of 3 using TRX. At first, I was holding my own with two young women in their 20’s. But when we moved onto mats and Jake gently helped me lift my heals into the cords- yikes! I was way out of my comfort zone and really had to be careful as I worked hard to follow the directions. But considering that in a month I’ll be back in shorts and tees and my bathing suit, sweating for the hour is a good thing!
I earned the dinner out with Jane and Michael at their go-to Nyack dinner spot- La Fontana, ironically right across from Strawberry Place. So good to be with friends that love and miss you. We ate healthy broiled salmon and dreamed about Cancun coming.
SO….it feels like I’m moving into a new phase in my grieving process, accepting my present without you. Accepting that you are not coming back and accepting that I need to be present, really present in my life. Easier, said than done, of course, but I’m seeing a bit of light even in the dreary rain.
Let’s see what happens today. Tonight Bernie and Hillary debate.
Love you, my T,