Another day dealing with a food and drink hangover after a great night of hosting old friends and new! Of course, as Michael entered my apartment, he was missing you- his first time here without you. The same thing happened to me when I started to set the table in the afternoon and realized I only needed five chairs around the table.
Yes, I missed you. Michael missed you. Jane missed you but the evening was filled with fun. Jane and Richard surprised me with the start of changes in the living room. Just moving around the area rugs and the switching around chairs by the window and we were off. I’m getting used to the change. Small changes are nothing much in light of the more devastating change.
But even with moments of sadness I am not fighting time anymore. I’m living in my present, trying to. And without much fanfare my sense of humor is returning and even though I know how to fake happiness for the camera, I’m not faking the smile in the picture just above.
I’m plunged into making sense of where I am right now and where I’m headed and for the last two sessions with Sandie as I talk in a stream of consciousness I am moving back and forth between a celebration of self and a longing to be back in our life together.
Yes, you are here with me, somehow. I drink from your glass, I watch you in photos, and I’m starting to let the memories of us in instead of freezing them away, miserable that they are officially in my past.
It’s dreary and cold here but talking with Ami this morning was a source of warmth and countdown to Cancun begins this weekend when the bags officially open to be filled again.
Come with me,