T,

I sat in the doctor’s office this morning filling out the usual endless forms a new patient must.  I’ve been trying to get an appointment with this new gyno, but when I’ve had  to cancel for weather, or illness I couldn’t get another for  months.  The last time I had to cancel was the day of your funeral, 6 long months ago.  Today, finally, no snow, no illness… and I opted for a nurse practitioner- Bree- complete with a long gray braid, hippie clothes and kindness.

As I filled out the forms I came to the page where I had to include an emergency person and phone number.  For the first time I filled in a name that wasn’t Dr. Tuvia Rosenberg and scribbled Michael’s and then then my brother Jeff who  would be called and given access to confidential information if necessary.  I couldn’t shake that moment even with a good first meeting with Bree who gave me a clean bill of health…

I felt weighed down as I raced back to my car with the rain and wind returning  but then Ami called  from Israel and instead of holding on to the sadness we quickly moved the conversation to the practical issues of scheduling the removal of my old wall unit with help from Clever,  a delivery of my new one and then a decision to make on a new TV with his help .  Yes, you’ve  left me a piece of you! Both Ami and Ron have been stepping up.   I know, you’re  proud.

So, as the day progressed, as I shopped for last minute items, as I missed your preparations, or lack of… I had that mix of emotions that I’m so used to feeling…

But something has changed, T.  I’m feeling so good, so loved, so lucky to have had you even if you aren’t here with me right now, watching the Republican Debate/ and or American Idol, or nothing… ACTUALLY, I’m connecting with you right now as I write this letter,as I drink from one of your glass cups, as I click through our photo journey of our 20 years… you are everywhere in this apartment, everywhere in my life. You’ve made your indelible mark on me and I am so grateful, really!

I waited for you and somehow you found me when you least expected to and I found you when all I wanted was a good cup of coffee and a fresh poppy seed bagel.  I got the coffee, the bagel and I got you. How about that!

So I thank you for 20 years of love that I will carry with me for the next 2o years… and then some…

We’re off to the beach…

Todah Tuvia,

Bonnie S.