Letters to Tuvia#165: Wine(3-3-16)

Morning T.,

I have the door to the balcony open and you can hear the moaning wind playing in the ocean waves, distracting me as I try to focus on sharing my time here with you. I don’t even want to tell you what time it is.   I wish I could sleep but the wine… all the wine I consumed today is keeping me awake and I’m drinking lots of water now to counteract the power of the grape. Tomorrow morning I could be up with another bottle of water, counteracting the power of tequila, after a t-tasting with Jane and Michael.

I may have ended the day weaving back to my room but I began like the athlete I wish I could always be: up by 7, drinking coffee on the balcony, showered, dressed for a workout and off for that first beach walk when the sand has just been combed and ready for my footprints.  A walk to Las Olas for a power breakfast and then just before the gym for a workout I stopped at the club section of the beach to stake out the perfect beach chair for lounging and ran into a bit of a wrinkle from Alberto, the guy in charge. Seems that he’s a stickler for the one hour and 3 minute limit to how long you can hold a lounge inactive. When he came up with the solution:” Why not have your husband hold it for you?” I couldn’t hold back.  “He would if he could, but he died 6 months ago.”

That pause, that jarring moment of connecting with the concept of dead, gone…  then the sadness and the softness, a bit of pity.  I should have spared him but I couldn’t.  It just came out of me. Sorry.  He turned at that moment, opened up his heart to me and couldn’t stop finding a reason to extend himself. Dead brought out so much.

After a race to the gym for 30 minutes on the elliptical and back with my shorts and sandals and Kindle I knew I could lounge until noon.  That’s right, much longer than we could.  I still remember my days of total disgust for people who spent a full day broiling in the sun.  Yes, I was under a tree umbrella.

And the pampering  here continues.  It’s a bit like Big Brother but a sweet brother and sister.  Often, throughout the day, someone from nowhere appears,offering to make my time here perfect and they know all about me- Where are you dining tonight?  When are your friends arriving?  We know you are planning to join in on the wine tasting… what can we do for Ms. Kaplan/ Mrs. Rosenberg?  Some still remember me as Mrs. Rosenberg and I love answering to your name too and I don’t correct them. Ahhh… the good old days, right?

It was another day at the beach, in the club, at the roof top pool, on the balcony… reading a novel I’ve come to settle on- My Brilliant Friend, recommended by my book club buddy Bonnie and her daughters. 51GyvNf5HNL._SCLZZZZZZZ__SY115_SX115_.jpg51GyvNf5HNL._SCLZZZZZZZ__SY115_SX115_.jpg

I’ve started a number.  Some focused on death and they don’t work well here.  I need to keep my spirits lighter.  Of course I also had read March Slices and commented when the internet was cooperating.

From 5:00 on, the day lives in a blue, hazy memory… 4 Mexican wines to taste and learn about with 3 strangers who loosened up with me as the wine was poured in each of the 4 glasses- 2 whites and 2 reds!   a joy for almost two hours.

Dinner outside at the fish restaurant with the manager and waiter waiting for me with suggestions  off the menu and a coffee martini to balance the wine, just a bit. Wonderful!

The walk back to my room was another one filled with weaving but nothing embarrassing happened.  At least I don’t think  anything did. I managed to get back to the room, change, hit the pillow and sleep deeply for a few hours, until now…

I can feel your furrowed eyebrows.  No, this is not a habit in the making.  Drinking wine on a regular basis is not for me-too fattening.  But in the sweet beach silence without our ongoing conversation, it will do.  Later today I will have wine lovers to share my beach with and then I could miss you even more.  We will see.  This is a year of seeing,  of trying out a different life.  Sweet, how people ask for you and are taken aback  to hear the news, that you are gone. Martiene our wine friend sends his best  and missed you tonight at his tasting.

Another day missing you Tuv R.

Bonnie S.

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10 thoughts

  1. Your loss is always palpable Bonnie, but I appreciate how you push yourself to enjoy what should be enjoyed. The world is out there for you and you love that world. It shows.

  2. Bonnie, I recommended your blog to a friend with a similar loss and she is reading. She wrote a message to me that now she is writing letters to her deceased husband in her journal. Just know that sharing your journey has meaning.

  3. The nice thing about drinking wine when you are away or on special occasions is that those glasses have all of the calories taken out of them. Enjoy. Making new friends and meeting old ones makes each day seem brighter.

  4. Lovely way to spend a day. Walking a pristine beach, lounging and reading, savoring food and wine, a comfy bed to send you to sleep (for a while). This is how to try out a new way of living.

  5. Sometimes you need to let someone know of your grief. They would want to know. I would. I’m enjoying all the things you are doing, have never heard of a coffee martini-wow. It sounds like such a wonderful place, Bonnie, where the people know you from other times, and can care for you, too.

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