You might say, as you look at my most recent photos above that hey what fun! Bonnie, you are happy, enjoying our beach even if I’m not there and that’s the way it should be.
But there’s more to the day than pictures captured:
From the very start of this last full day here at our paradise, it’s been weird. As I walked to meet Jane for breakfast, in the cool of the morning, when the place is fresh and quiet, I ran into a bellhop we know and I’ve seen since I’ve been here.
Her stopped this time and asked me immediately: “Buenos Dias, Mrs. Rosenberg, where is your husband? I haven’t seen him this week.”
I hesitated, teared up: “He’s gone… died…”
He teared up: “When? How long ago?” (As if that mattered)
“Six months ago. After we made the reservation to come back here.”
“It must be hard to be here without him. But we are taking care of you right?
“Right. Of course and I have friends here who refused to cancel their plans. We are all missing him.”
He paused. “I’m missing him So glad you are here for him too.”
“Yes, I know.”
I’m sure it’s hard.”
“Yes. Thank you for asking.”
He squeezed my arm. “I’m sorry. Hope you come back again. Soon.”
“Thanks. Good to see you again.”
We both moved on and that moment took hold of me and wouldn’t let go. At the table I grabbed up m phone and checked my email before Jane arrived. I found a fresh one from Cindi, the real estate agent helping us prep the house for sale.
I felt the weight of reality baring down on me even with Jane and Michael to talk to, even with sunshine at the beach, even with a new bathing suit that fits like a glove, even with more new episodes of House of Cards.
I just can’t move away from the sadness today. I’m feeling that emptiness, the ghosts.our memories here together, but I keep smiling at the beach, at the gym, in the sunshine, when the camera makes demands.
I miss you as much as I thought I would here. It’s the way it should be, love of my life.