Letters to Tuvia#170:What was I thinking?(3-8-16)

Dear T,

Almost a full day back home and life’s  hectic and surprisingly  easier.  Duh!  What was I thinking?  As the trip to Cancun got closer, I got more and more excited, pumped up for the challenge- yes, I can do it!  I can take on our beach memories and  find a new place for me.

Wrong!  So wrong!

My Excellence Cycle:

Yes, I loved being back at Excellence.  Yes, the staff was amazing – missing you and feeling for me. Yes, Angel was really my angel for most dinners, yes, the first two days were exhilarating,  BUT, then dragging a bit on the 3rd, jumping out of my skin on the 4th until  dinner with Jane and Michael and things turned around.

And then we moved  into a groove and it was mostly good and then…

it wasn’t.. the last two days…true comfort opened the flood gates: a threesome missing the 4th member- YOU.

and damn, I missed you and our life together, our romantic life together, the life that we created together and birthed it often on a beach.

Coming back home, as  we touched down and I sat in a trio of seats on the plane, in the aisle seat, Jane reached for Michael and I reached into the  empty aisle space…

Hard T, very hard.

But then we were off the plane, traveling on the bus shuttle to my car in P6 long-term parking and then in my car we headed to Rockland, away from Paramus…

But then I was home and Ami had set up Clever to arrive in the morning and breakdown my old entertainment center.  And  just before sleep, I cleared it out

And like clockwork Clever  arrived at 8  and  took everything out, leaving me with the chaos of old tech-stacks of CDs, Dvds, VHS tapes to dump or not to dump.

Delivery is set for the new wall unit is set for Monday.

Life here is moving along… easier yes.

But still, it’s hard and there’s no way around it.  I can’t make the pain go away because you can’t come back to me. So I just keep trying to do the best I can.

Miss you here, miss you at our beach…

Just, miss you,


Bonnie S.

8 thoughts

  1. Life is so hard when it changes and you have no control over that change. You do the best you can with the energy of the moment. Can’t wait to see the new unit next week. I hate dealing with all the wires when you have to move something around. Good luck sorting out that stuff.

  2. Oh the changes hurt so badly! I have loved reading your words and watching your love story! I am sorry about the pain and the changes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  3. Oh, Bonnie. I’m sorry you’re missing him so. Your life together does sound so full of love and romance. You’re living bravely, friend, and carrying on. Keep on keeping on. You’re doing great.

  4. I’m glad you made it back okay, Bonnie. It does sound hard. Those “firsts” hurt every time, like the first time you went to one of your and Tuvia’s favorite restaurants. Always thinking of you and how your days are going. The new unit sounds interesting, hope it will be fun to get it all together.

  5. Bonnie, so hard to read of your week without Tuva. Your words capture the ups and downs of your week at the beach. Glad you have a new project on the horizon. Hugs!

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