Evening T,

On the couch most of the day just watching the white wall in front of me transform for the first time in 16 years. Of course, as the West Elm delivery men left me with a fresh new unit, filled with empty shelves and cabinets, I was ready to run after them screaming… “Mistake, I made a mistake!  Take them back!  They don’t look good in my space.”

No, of course I didn’t and soon, as I sat a bit more, slowly I started filling the shelves, moving pictures around, grabbing small chachkas we loved together.

Just one week ago I was dropping off Jane and Michael after our week away in Cancun.  Just one week ago I was unpacking the car and dragging all my bags up the back pathway and  up the 12 stairs in one load.

Just one week ago, exhausted but unable to sleep I was emptying a wall unit that had traveled and lived with me for at least two apartments- over 30 years and I saying goodbye once again. Saying good-bye to my CD collection, VHS tapes, even DVDs.

Seems like I’ve been saying good-bye often over the last 7 months.  I even think, now that I’ve been back a week, that  I said good-bye to our Excellence Playa Mujeres, T.  I don’t think it makes sense to return again without you.

But it isn’t all good-byes. Wednesday Ami will be here after he stops at the house to pick up the tv we enjoyed together just before you passed. One of his last gifts to you   He will replace my small tv with that new  one.  He will  mount it on my white wall and reconnect all the cords. Then we will be off to enjoy dinner together in Nyack at a place I have come to love even though you never felt comfortable there.

As we enter and I introduce him to George at the bar, and Oscar who will probably escort us to the table, I will whisper that I want to  pick up the check and discreetly I will pass one  my credit card.  Of course,  your son will still try to fight me for it.

Ahhh…Tuvia,  your spirit is alive and well in Ami.

I can’t wait to see what he’s up to in Hoboken.

Missing you here, with us T.,

Bonnie S.