Letters to Tuvia#177 Decluttering/Letting Go/Goodbyes

Evening T,

Political Update First:  Hillary is having a great night on Super Tuesday, sadly, so is Trump. Hillary vs the Donald, how bizarre.

But before we knew  the primary voting results,  I was sitting in Tara’s kitchen, sipping Prosecco and digging into her latest chicken experiment.  I should be doing the same but but it’s so great to be the beneficiary of this friendship and now that we are coming into spring I could leave at 7 with a bit of light and even without the GPS find my way back the Garden State without following our familiar way back home.

As I arrived back to my place and breathe in my fresh new living room with just a few boxes left to remove, I’m thinking about the number of times I’ve had to say goodbye in the last 7 months beginning with my goodbye to you. All others followed your exit.

7 months of goodbyes and decluttering:

I left the Paramus house with a set of boxes.  I returned to my place and decluttered, filling bags and boxes with clothes and shoes and books and stuff.    As I prepped the living room for a new wall unit, I cleansed the space of my collections of DVDs, CDs, VHS tapes and cried as I filled more boxes.

I moved those collections out of the apartment, down the stairs,out to my car, into the garage.  Yes, it was a good productive move but only your passing motivated all others..

Yes, I am moving along.  Yes, you are smiling, relieved that I am not falling apart. Yes, you don’t have to worry.  But taking one step forward, I have to stop at the top of the stairs and catch my breath, allow the tears to fall, sit back down on the couch, move a few photos  around the new shelves and leave the rest of the boxes in the corner for another day.

Yes, I keep moving forward but don’t ever think I’m doing this because I want to, no, it’s because I have to… As much as I loved begin back in Cancun at our favorite spot, I don’t think I can return there again without you. Sorry but that will be too much.

Miss you T,

Bonnie S.

 

 

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6 thoughts

  1. New unit is looking great! You do what you do because you have to in order to survive this loss. No one wants to go here, but we all know it is a reality in each ones life. You are brave to share this journey. Glad you had dinner with Tara.

  2. Despite the sadness in this tonight, I like hearing that side of Bonnie that is going to do what she has to to keep going, and mentioning Tara’s latest chicken experiment is part of that. You enjoyed being with Tara, I’m sure, but you noticed the chicken too. You probably think I’m crazy, yet it is the little things that are so hard, but the little things that make us live too. Hugs Bonnie!

  3. I love the new look. Refreshing. With spring being here, your recount reminds me of a bud rebirthing. Your beauty is coming through even if you didn’t want to do it this way.

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