Letters to Tuvia#184 Maybe the best day yet (3-22-16_



Morning T,

It’s ironic that yesterday marked 7 months since you left this world and yesterday was probably the best day yet for me since August 21, 2015.  I know you are happy to hear that things are better for me, that my real smile is coming back, not the one I can pull out for a camera.

No, it’s ME!!!!. I’m coming back… I’m feeling me…

Ironic too, to be writing about good news when I woke up to such bad news- another terror attack on a city we never got to-  Brussels. Hey, I’m putting it back on my list of must sees in solidarity for the people lost there for just living their everyday lives at the airport, in the subways.  Just coming home, going to work… DEAD!!!

Right now I’m watching Obama in Cuba- you would be loving this speech, sitting here with me.  He’s at his best- even as he butchers Spanish- the Cubans are loving his passion. and yes, he’s calling out the government to join us with more freedom.

And me… what happened to me yesterday?

After that crazy March bit of snowfall, the sun arrived and pushed me out of the house. right after I was back with Jon for a guitar lesson and starting to plan a recital down the road, maybe including a  sing-a-long set with my ukulele with Jane catering.  And it will be here now that  my apartment is looking so great and with all the changes I’m reconnecting with my “things”. Of course I did get to shop a bit for a new extras and  when I arrived at Tara’s to share a chicken dinner, I had the back seat filled with a lantern, a ceramic container for birchwood and lots of candles. And it all looks great!!!  And yes, I’m done for awhile…

But probably the most dramatic experience yesterday was my session with Sandie finally getting the chance to process my Shalom experience with her and figure out just where I am  in my process of grieving.  My experience away, even with a head cold did offer me an opportunity to let myself go- grab up a tennis racket and bang away at the punching bag.  (Sounds crazy, I know but that psychic energy is building  and I left the mountain with lots to think about and a bit of clarity was coming to me.

I feel better.  Cancun was mostly good.  Yes, I’m starting to embrace my life back in Nyack.  Yes, I miss you as much as you know.  I will always miss us.  We were extraordinary.  And now I wonder.. what’s next for me???

My eyes open wider, I walk taller,  makeup is back as part of my prep for the outside world.  I’m allowing myself to come back, to appear to the world.

And I wonder… what’s next????

Smiling, right?

Bonnie S. (coming to you from a stool at the Apple store waiting for one of those geniuses to come back to me..

9 thoughts

  1. Bonnie, I’m so happy to read about your best day — I know it’s been a struggle every day, just to get up and move forward, but it sounds like you are ready with each baby step. I love that you continue to write to Tuvia. So sweet. Keep making happy new memories as you continue to remember happy memories from the past. There is room for both.

  2. It’s a pleasure to smile and read this post, Bonnie. I am happy for you so much. And I love your new vase, quite beautiful. And I love seeing Tara there in those pics too. I guess I’m rambling; I love them all!

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