Letters to Tuvia#188 Freestylin’ with Bonnie (3-26-16)

Evening T,

Saturday night on the couch and I’m about to watch Heartburn, inspired,  written and directed by Nora Ephron.  I just watched the documentary created by her son as a tribute to her.  I remember loving this movie but I don’t think we got to see it together.

Yes, I’m in on the couch on a Saturday night.  Stop frowning, it’s okay.  I’m not hiding out, just getting used to my own company in this new chapter of my life. It’s not easy you know not  having you around, but I’m making the best of the cards I’ve  got.

I was out early in the morning for exercise and nutrition with team Bonnie and then I was forced to take on a mobbed Apple store to resolve an issue with my Final Cut software. Two days in a row at Apple on a stool against the back wall. I still love everything  Apple.   I had a very sweet techie who appreciated the fact that I had the patience not to drive him crazy because he was running late.   He resolved my issue in 2 minutes!!!!

A pit stop at Fairway and I had what I needed to cook myself a clean chicken and veggie dinner.   Just some chicken breasts in bone stock with my favorite veggies, some fresh garlic and seasonings… and wow, what aromas, what a feast!

I’m  just getting used to my own company, folding more activities  back into my life to recreate a life of colors.  I can’t help wondering  what will life be like 6 months from now, a year????  I know, patience, but this is coming from someone who just a few months ago couldn’t imagine spring without you.

Saturday night at home and I’m feeling peaceful even without a social event.

It’s almost  good T… even if I can’t have you next to me watching Meryl and Jack Nicholson, young and gorgeous.

I will never stop missing you…never! In fact, just one last thing:

Mourning Updates:

I’m not feeling the devastation from mourning tsunamis but often I’m mildly whacked from moments that interrupt all my good intentions.

I am in my car, driving across the Tappan Zee Bridge and I look to left and think- You will never see this new one complete… You will never see the next Meryl Streep movie. You will  never stay up late with me waiting on bated breath for election return…. Never… never… never… I am whacked on a regular basis but breathing helps… deep breathing helps… tears help… and I keep moving…somewhere…

Bonnie S.

 

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8 thoughts

  1. This is a perfect way to describe life now, “folding more activities back into my life to recreate a life of colors.” Life changes so quickly, whether we want it to or not. Enjoy the movie!

  2. I love this Slice. I too am home alone this Saturday evening, but not feeling lonely after seeing a movie this afternoon with a friend and walking up Broadway talking about it. But your Mourning Update really hit me. I have all those same feelings. Did you read Roger Angell’s piece in the New Yorker (Nov. 19, 2012) after his wife’s death? He starts out with all the things she will never know, but also writes about the different relationships that the living and the dead have with time. It’s a beautiful piece.

    • Thanks Sonia I just read it
      Here’s something I’d recommend by Elizabeth Alexander
      The Light of the world , a memoir about grieving the sudden loss of her husband
      I didn’t want it to end

  3. So happy to hear about your day & that it was a good one despite the dip, and they don’t go away, but get, not exactly easier, but less surprising I guess. That picture of your meal looks divine, Bonnie. Enjoy your Sunday!

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