Letters to Tuvia#196 Cold, Sunny, Clean (4-5-16)

Afternoon T,

After two full days indoors I was up and out today, prepped for my annual mammogram- 3D version for the first time.  No change in the compression though, just a very sweet and patient technician- that helped and I didn’t have to fill out mounds of paperwork.  In and out with a smile in record time and as I left I had no one to call.

Me::T, I’m done.

You:Are you coming?

Me:Of course, but first I’m stopping by my apartment ti see Dana.  But I will be home to you by noon for lunch- Suburban?

YOU:Your choice. Just so long as I have good bread.

ME:(smile) Of course.

Funny, how I took this routine conversation for granted. Just the everyday practical.

Present silence is torture.  But  as I drive back home the sun streams and I grab for my sunglasses.  Dana was waiting for me with a cup of coffee. There’s  dinner plans with Jane and Michael, moving our meet up to my place.  Time to show off the furuniture.

I’m trying to balance what I’ve lost with what I’ve been forced to create for this next chapter.

Yes, T.  I’m moving forward.  Yes, I feel your smile, your head bobbing  up and down. Yes.  And you feel my sadness as I push myself to keep moving.

Bonnie S.

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12 thoughts

  1. This piece has me curious…it feels concerned and sad yet hopeful at the same time. It feels pained yet lively in that we continue our lives even though…
    Thanks for creating curiosity…

  2. I love Bernadette’s phrase, cost of love. The pain is the price of having such a love. Glad you kept the mammogram appointment, get it over! I try to take myself to an out of body experience during the squeezing and pinching.

  3. I can feel the heaviness and the sadness of this slice. But, despite that, you are moving forward, one day at a time.

    Glad to hear you got a good report from the mammogram. I always hold my breath when loved ones go in for those. (My turn will happen in a year.)

  4. I share your sense of “nobody to call” when I have good news, bad news or just want to share the “news” of the “did you hear…..” moment in time. I too believe that the cost of love is the vacuum that follows loss.
    SO while I am still far away in the snow belt of the Hudson Valley this evening, please hear my “Hip, Hip Hooray” in celebration of your mammogram. It’s better news than any “good grade” you ever got as it means there is one less thing to soak up your energy at this point in time. That means you have more energy for a Digitally enhanced future.

  5. Moving on is sad but something we all do. I don’t know that sadness ever goes away, but it does become less prominent. Thinking of you as you find your new balance.

  6. Having the mammogram in the past is always a good thing. That telling, or the loss of telling, someone, continues to be missing for me too, those goofy little things that happen in a second, long gone by the time I talk to a friend or my daughter or son. What I do is this, I tell it anyway, in the car or at home, I know he’s listening! How nice to have a cup of coffee waiting, and dinner with friends too. To keep going and fill up that way is nice. Hugs Bonnie!

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