Letters to Tuvia #199: Putting on the Brakes (4-8-16)

Morning T,

Welcome to a new day even if the early morning sunshine was too weak to hold back a return to the gloom of yesterday.  Damn, that Mother Nature ,but today is a new day even if it isn’t a day for outside love.

But thumbs up: I made it through yesterday 🙂

Yesterday I put on the brakes and as Ramsey Mazda was replacing my old car brakes I was back home, forced to find my way through the self-imposed brakes I allowed to sink me into the couch.  As I prepared for new digital work  I had my external hard drives open, moving videos around, living the past, our past.  I found treasures  that took me to our rich adventures, I was walking with you down pathways I remembered well.  And as I moved some of the gems into new pieces and shut down the computers, leaving me with a blank computer screen, felt the emptiness in the present-in the gloom of wind and rain. I was here without you.

I had  my car back with new brakes that felt unfamiliar to the touch. I was in this space- still unfamiliar  in an evening watching the very last  episode of American Idol.  But as I absorb last night I know that alcohol is only good for me in social situations. Alone it only brings in down deeper and leaves me the next morning with a headache as if I drank a full bottle.  Really it was just a few sips of the good vodka.  My life lines came from the guitar to my left and the yellow exercise ball in the study and this morning when I called James and together when we made some sense of yesterday and my conversation with Ron and my texting with Christine and Bonnie and my planning for the rest of the day.

Yes,  I took care of my brakes yesterday and I took a break… so today, I’m back and in motion,  ready for later, for tomorrow, for Sunday.  I’m ready!

Don’t worry T,  I’m taking you with me.

Bonnie S.


3 thoughts

  1. Some days are like that, then you pick yourself up. brush away the bad, and move ahead. Our sun is shining brightly, although a bit cool. That moves me forward to finding some summer outfits for my Clara and begin the packing for my river cruise trip. Leaving Monday 🙂 . Can’t wait!

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