Evening T,

Last night I was back home in Ellenville with my dad on one side of me and Steve on the other. You would have loved it.  Like Ami’s seder, this one was filled with just the number of   adults and kids. No hordes at either one.

Jeff led a toast to Roz, I lifted my glass to you joined by everyone. It was a good seder with dancing and singing and reading and very good food(you would have loved Roz’s brisket created by Sherry. And Marla, with all her cooking done over the last month or so was able to direct the courses and enjoy her time at the table next to Jeff.

I was quiet mostly, sipping just a bit of wine ( I had  some good vodka on the rocks earlier) but often I spaced out, distracted without the anchor of your warmth, your touch, your breath, your signal when it was time to call it a night and leave as we had come, together.

Yes, it was wonderful to curl up on the living room couch with the remaining  family and snooze through Saturday Night Live, in tribute to Prince for his untimely death.  I know, you never heard of him, well maybe you did. And early this morning, before I left for home, it was sweet to watch Eliana get her grandparents to jump through hoops just to see her smile

but…

I am officially done with Passover even if it’s not over for another 6 days. If you were here I would respectfully have as much matzah handy as you would need, but given that I’m on my own, the unopened box that I have will remain unopened and I will have my usual toast with breakfast tomorrow.  I know you’re fine with that.

Ami, Adi and the kids  will be here for another week, and I’m sure we will be together again before they return to Israel.  Life is in bloom, we are all in motion and just when I think everything is great and I’m on my way to great and happy and rug is pulled out from underneath me without notice,  I  know that I have go-to family and friends ready to listen to  share a blast of you when I need it desperately.

 I feel your presence everywhere…

Bonnie S.