The pictures above were taken one year ago- Jamie and Tanner’s wedding at Housing Works Bookstore in the Villiage. We missed the ceremony but by this moment we didn’t care. You were sitting with Michael and I was moving around the space smaling tastey apps and grabbing moments with my camera. I was in white from Chicos but it took me a long to decide what I’d wear. You just grabbed up one of your suit jackets, pants and a bowtie of my choosing. In fact I helped you fasten it.
It was a rainy night and it took us forever to get there and you had to walk a few blocks too many. It was your last May 16. Did you have any sign that you were coming to your end. Me, I was just happy to be there, with you.
We are coming to the 9 month mark on the 21st and with 9 months of living without you I am feeling my power, taking charge of myself, of my life as I bask in my newly lit living room. I am peaceful, maybe on the way to content, maybe happy. I’m getting used to being just with Bonnie, not falling apart.
Today, with Sandie, I spent most of my hour sharing what I take with me from you, from the us of 20 years. I shared your life journey through the depression, your abandonment, your work in a factory as a child, your night school education, your capture and work camp experience in Russia, your solo walk back home… your journey to Israel, your war experiences, your drive to become at doctor…and there would be so much more…
From our first conversation on Rena’s love seat I knew you could be “the one” and I was right! For years I dreamed a man – layered in a life lived before me, a face of those life lines, comfortable in a sports jacket, well read, passionate about politics, movies, music- culture, someone who loved conversation… I dreamed you.
I’m proud that I wear you, that I take you with me… as I journey on to make the most of my life with/without you…
You are still my inspiration, Tuvia Rosenberg.