Letters to Tuvia#228: I’m Good (5-16-16)



Evening T,

The pictures above were taken one year ago- Jamie and Tanner’s wedding at Housing Works Bookstore in the Villiage.  We missed the ceremony but by this moment we didn’t care.  You were sitting with Michael and I was moving around the space smaling tastey apps and grabbing moments with my camera.  I was in white from Chicos but  it took me a long to decide what I’d wear.  You just grabbed up one of your suit jackets, pants and a bowtie of my choosing.  In fact I helped you fasten it.

It was a rainy night and it took us forever to get there and you had to walk a few blocks too many.  It was your last May 16. Did you have any sign that you were coming to your end.  Me, I was just happy to be there, with you.

We are coming to the 9 month mark on the 21st and with 9 months of living without you  I am feeling my power,  taking charge of myself, of my life as I bask in my newly lit living room.   I am peaceful, maybe on the way to content, maybe happy. I’m getting used to being just with Bonnie, not falling apart.

Today, with Sandie, I spent most of my hour sharing what  I take with me from you, from the us of 20 years.  I shared your life journey through the depression, your abandonment, your work in a factory as a child, your night school education, your capture and work camp experience in Russia, your solo walk back home… your journey to Israel, your war experiences, your drive to become at doctor…and there  would be so much more…

From our first conversation on Rena’s love seat I knew you could be “the one” and I was right!  For years I dreamed a man – layered in a life lived before me, a face of those life lines,  comfortable in a sports jacket, well read, passionate about politics, movies, music- culture, someone who loved conversation… I dreamed you.

I’m proud that I wear you, that I take you with me… as I journey on to make the most of my life with/without you…

You  are still  my inspiration, Tuvia Rosenberg.


Bonnie S.


22 thoughts

  1. It’s a beautiful post, Bonnie, that part of Tuvia continues to be part of your journey now, too. The strength of connection does not lessen, and your words show that lovingly.

  2. While I know that your writing is healing to YOU, I also feel like I KNOW Tuvia through your posts about his life. It’s a bit of a biography with a clear statement of the impact of others on our lives.

  3. Tuvia’s story is one worth retelling and rejoicing in, it’s the story, really, of the strength of the human spirit, the will to survive, and live, and find love.

  4. Bonnie, I also love that you have chosen to write through your grief in the form of letters. I look forward to reading them, and as others have said, have learned a lot about T through them. His life was interesting, difficult and yet so full because of it all. Some days you skip, some you stumble. May you have more days of skipping ahead.

  5. Bonnie, You honor Tuvia and yourself with your writing. You have had that great love of your life and Tuvia’s life and love sound wonderfully complex and nuanced.

  6. This was so beautiful, Bonnie:
    “For years I dreamed a man – layered in a life lived before me, a face of those life lines, comfortable in a sports jacket, well read, passionate about politics, movies, music- culture, someone who loved conversation… I dreamed you.”
    You & Tuvia shared a remarkable love. I can tell he was worth waiting for.
    None months… Wow. Thanks for allowing us to read these letters to him. They are a beautiful part of your love story.

  7. Hope. I love to read your posts about Tuvia. As others before me have said, we learn as much about you as we do about him. Today, I’m taking hope away from this beautiful writing. I see how much of my mother I carry inside of me aside from her genetics. Thanks so much.

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