Letters to Tuvia#231 9 Months Without You (5-21-16)

Evening Tuv R,

I don’t know if you’re keeping track of time, but I am and it’s been 9 months since we last sat together enjoying a summer morning coffee.  Nine months later I am solidly settled in my place above the Hudson enjoying some dramatic deocarting changes that  make the place lovelier.  I so wish you could send me a sign that you like the new look.    No worries, it  still feels like our space, T.

9 months… I’ve been through a fall, a winter and almost a complete spring without you.  I have been to Minneapolis, Israel, Cancun and the Adirondacks without you.  I have created a new business with Christine, without you.  I have seen movies, plays, friends and family without you and for the first time in my life I joyously attended a double baptism for Carl and his husband Zenya-Charles and Alexandra with Sharon and Marie-France.

Just one year ago, Sharon and I met them at the Met to meet Zenya for the first time. I remember our conversation about their deep desire for kids and their hope that adoption would be coming through soon.  And now they are parents of two infants.

You were supposed  to come along but it was clear to both of us that it would have been too much for you- too much walking and so I went without you, keeping you close with constant updates.  Damn, I miss giving and getting updates from you, soooo much.

9 months…  what does it mean to have lived without you for 9 months? I haven’t been here before.  20 years with you, 9 months without…

The hardest 9 months of my life.  I’m sure you’re not surprised.  You’ve been through it when you lost Lydia and it took you 12 years to find me.  So glad you did. So glad you did.

Here’s to you, my love.  Thank you so much for 20 years of deep love.

Bonnie S.



3 thoughts

  1. You know there is much talk of how lucky you are to have had Tuvia for those wonderful years, but he was a lucky one, too, Bonnie. Your devotion to enjoying life is so clear, and must have been a joy for him, too. This is a nice letter, full of much love for Tuvia.

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