Letters to Tuvia#237 Ups & Downs (5-28-16)

Evening T,

We are now officially celebrating Memorial Day weekend and my eyes have been tearing all day.  I take it for granted that it’s all coming from you but no, I know it’s more than just us.  Spring pollen, eye sensitivites and I’m faithfully following my eye doctor’s wellness plan that I squirt eye drops into my eyes twice a day, gently wipe my lids with medicated pads and then take a few minutes to cover up with a warmly wetted washcloth.  I’ve been very good but so far the tears continue. Is it more you than the elements?

I don’t really mind the sweet tears but the up’s and down’s are tormenting me.  I’m good.  I’m smiling.  I’m shopping for protein bars at Fairway.  I’m meeting up with good friends for lunch, for dinner on a Friday.  I’m watching/napping through a sweet movie in one of those laziboy movie chairs.  I’m snacking on a oatmega bar. I’m walking in Nyack.

I’m feeling like me, in control of this life and suddenly, wihtout warning,  I’m dismantled.  I’m frozen, I’m constricting and it’s not sweet, not gentle.  I’m chilled with fear.   I’m hating this life without you.  I’m trying to breathe my way out of this moment.  Yes, even sitting on a bench at the Nanuet Mall in sunshine, glancing across the street to the Bone Fish that wasn’t  even our Bone Fish and I’m aching to call for a holiday reservation for two.  But I don’t, I can’t.

You are not here, pressuring me to create an instant Memorial Day barbecue.  I miss that pressure.  I’m smiling a very weak smile.

Bonnie S.

Interesting isn’t it, that I don’t try and capture the dismantling in images.

6 thoughts

  1. I traveled all yesterday, didn’t see this until now. There are mixed feelings on holidays, so many good times remembered from past special days. Like Elsie & Tara, sending hugs, and tonight hope that today brought more sunshine.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


"writing is the painting of the voice" -Voltaire-

Tammy L. Breitweiser

writer * educator * reader

lit bits and pieces

Snippets of learning and life


a motherhood community for moms who do it all


This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

Crawling Out of the Classroom

In everything that my students and I do together, we strive to find ways to use reading and writing to make the world outside of our classroom a better place for all of us to be

Lisa's Ramblings: Random Thoughts on the World We Live In...


Freeing the Writer Within

As I See It

Observations on Life

AnnaGCockerille Literacy

The Generative Power of Language: Building Literacy Skills One Word at a Time

Haddon Musings

There are 11,507 stories in Haddonfield; this is one of them.

To Read To Write To Be

Thoughts on learning and teaching

Just Let Me Teach

MrsWp, ELA Teacher


How to stay sane studying to become a teacher, and eventually, during your first years (when I get there!)


Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

%d bloggers like this: