I’ve been trying to write a letter for the last two days and I couldn’t get anywhere. Yes, I had words on the page, but they didn’t gel into enough to share. I had to shut down and get to bed instead, lost in dreams that I can’t recall.
Memorial Day Weekend is over and it was hard, harder than I thought it would be. But then the last 9 months have been so much harder than I thought they would be.
Memorial Day Weekend felt familar. I was scheduled to travel up to Ellenville for lunch with my dad, but when I started down the mountain and slowed to check the Thruway, I chickened out, refusing to join the wagon train heading up north, bumper-to- bumper. Instead, I canceled and focused energy on my to-do list with a movie by late afternoon as a reward. Sadly though for Love and Romance, I spent most of time snoozing and I’m not sure I missed much. Kate Bekinsale was way over the top.
Funny though, that movie napping filled me with energy to return home and organize my jewlery. I know that doesn’t sound like much but trust me, it took time to weed my creative garden. So many memories from the time I began filling my ears with pieces of art. The first pair came from my cousin Howard, followed by years of craft fairs- meet-ups with Ricky Boscarino of Luna Parc. After that major, unemotional weeding some were dumped, many moved to a bag in the drawer, and the rest remained on racks- Ginny’s Ear Nests- a mix of artistic pieces and Chicos factory selections. My private collection- a feast for my eyes.
Sunday was a much better day for traveling. The highway was clear on both sides. Everyone who was traveling somewhere had arrived and I was free to rock up and back for a nice lunch with my dad and cousin Martin and be back home in time for an evening with Ron and Leora even if my movie choice was a total disaster- The Lobster. The title tells the tale. UGH! You would have been out of the theater in ten minutes with Ron right behind. Instead, he was stuck between us, suffering as Leora and I patiently hoped it would get better. Even Rachel Weitz couldn’t justify our attention- way, way too weird.
Memorial Day, finally! A birthday party in the City and I started to make myself crazy. All roads into the city by early afternoon on a cloudy, rainy Memorial Day could see another wagon train of traffic. With no Tuvia balance, I made a call to Marie-France, the hostess, dreading the ride in. Of course she was understnaind and logical, offering me very positive suggestions- come with someone, come early and visit a museum, don’t come, no worries. I was good, leaning to not coming, but then Don, the birthday called, he urging me to come celebrate his 75th with me. He needed me to come. OKAY!!!!
I headed in early, close to three, and the roads were almost totally empty and parking right across from their penthouse apartment on West End Avenue. Yes, Tuvia, you are laughing at me, I know. I walked over to Broadway and strolled through Barnes and Noble, Zabars, finally stopped in at Whole Bean, and pulled out my Kindle sipping a latte in a comfortable leather chair by the door. We walked this neigborhood often and I couldnt stay focused. You were everywhere but then not really.
Yes, it was hard. The whole weekend was hard without you, with others, without, I needed you.
At the party, Don was happy. His home was filled with friends, even his son, Colin was with us, via Skype and I was good, relaxed with the other guests, enjoying conversations with one of Don’s doctor friends, the piano player, sharing my loss of you selectively. I bonded with Don’s sister Judy , especially during the sing-a-long. When we got to show tunes- at “I Could Have Danced All Night”, I let go and as we finished, she turned to mewe Wow, you have a great voice.” What???? Only you have ever praised my voice and you were very biased. 🙂
But by dessert, I had to run for the door. Enough and I don’t think I left my glass slipper. I had to get out and drive home. I needed home. I needed the silence of my car. I needed you.
Memorial Day Weekend #1 DONE!
Miss you T.