Evening T,

Maybe rain was just right for today.  It was a tough ride to get to Staten Island to watch  Marla and Sherry remove the veil over Roz’s gravestone.  It was sad, so sad and I couldn’t help but walk in their shoes, dreading my turn coming at the end of August as our parting turns one.

Day One as I watched the mourners cover your casket I was frozen in time, going through the motions but not yet feeling the depths of loss.   It took a few weeks to defrost and feel the force of that first tsunami.

I was so close to the cemetery.  I used to visit Lydia’s grave with you, keeping you company, never once thinking what it would be like to visit without you by my side.  I have never been back there in this 9 months of mourning by myself.  Just once with Ami and Adi.

I feel you here, right now with me.  I felt you back at house house when I stopped by last week but I don’t think I feel you in that cemetery.  But I wonder,  should I be stopping by with a flower the way you used visit the people you loved?  Did you really want me to honor you they way you honored others?

Silence.

I’m hoping that your answer would be to do what I need to do for me.  That’s how Ami answered me when I asked him.

I will think more and more about your unveiling as we get closer to that one year mark:  August 21 for me,  August 26 officially.   To make it easier for Leora to attend we are moving your unveiling to 28th.

I wonder what I’ll be like by then?

Miss you with every fiber of my being,

Bonnie S.