It’s another gorgeous June day to prepared for. Another gorgeous June day I’m forced to describe to you in this letter instead of sitting across from you at the kitchen table, watching you sip your weak first coffee of the day and let the new of the day consume you, especially the horrible news today of yet another terrorist massacre, this time here, in Orlando, Florida. I wish we were talking together right now.
Instead, I am listening with one side of my brain and writing to you with the other, wondering about this shift I’m starting to make, T.
I’ve started walking at the Hudson in Nyack, in Piermont and with each step I remember our walking together, especially yesterday when I was back at the Pier and yes, I was back with you as you would spontaneously stop to take in the river as I raced away on my own. But it never took me long to feel that you were not keeping my pace and I came back to you to take your hand and stay put for that precious moment to breathe in the river on both sides of us. Nothing else slowed you down. But bodies of water had power over you and you had power over me, good power in this case.
As I walked yesterday I stopped often at familiar trees, benches, sites. How lucky we were. How lucky I am to remain right here in this heaven.
Walking is explosive, opening me up to the full force of the natural world I tend to appreciate passively. Walking… great advice from Sandie and Christine… I’m shifting…
And my conversations with friends seem to be shifting… with James in the City, with Bonnie over a very unique dinner in Sparkhill last night… what comes next??? I don’t know where I am in my life without you and maybe that’s the perfect time to take baby steps into the ocean of “romance”. Exploring on the river’s edge, not quite sure if I can plunge in…. not sure if I want to be with someone else… not sure is good…keeps me cool, relaxed… not yet a player in that meat market of dating… a free agent… just walking at the edge with you…
Today, after guitar, after a session with Sandie I’m off to Ellenville to share babysitting duty for Nas Kaplan, allowing his parents vacation time. I’m thrilled to join team Nas at 1 1/2 and there will be photos to guarantee that even if he doesn’t remember our time together, the photos will be there to document us. “See, that’s us!”
So coffee #2 outside on the porch… relishing this space that we created together for us, for me now…
Miss you T, with all my heart.