Evening T,
Another weekend is coming to an end and I have an action-packed week ahead. It’s a pleasure to see my calendar filled with activity but I had the challenge to create a Sunday today. Sundays with you were often here, over the Hudson. I would leave early from the house before you so I could hit the gym and stop on the way at my ShopRite for essentials. You took your time, finishing the Sunday Times and puttering, packing up your over night case.
Our routine. I took it for granted, all those small, relatively insignificant pieces of life. Now as this Sunday ends, I’m writing on the porch vividly remembering as it once was. There you are, sipping a weak vodka/cran, cracking open pistachios, smiling, grateful that we had what we had- that we had each other. Just another lovely summer night that we never took for granted, thank God just us or us with friends. I can’t feel a speck of guilt that I should have appreciated our time together more. No, I loved it all and I know that you did too.
Now, after 10 months I’m realizing that I don’t have a empty hole of loss to fill. No, I have a deep heart wound that’s slowly healing, a scab is forming and soon a scar will cover the scab and yes, the aching pain is giving way to a sadness as I have to tearfully accept that our mellow Sundays exist now only in memory. Thank God for these images that keep our life together so vivid.
And now there’s that Sunday without you, without a plan and yes, I know that I can’t spend all of it in this space. I send off a few texts for company but I’m not surprised that I am on my own on this Sunday. I have my trusty summer movie list. There’s always a dark theater- our temple/my temple for plays, for concerts, for movies and here there’s a feast of choices on my side of the bridge and on the other. But on Sunday, from my vantage point I can see that there’s already traffic building on either side.
So instead of the Indie romance, Maggie’s Plan , I opt for Now You See Me the Second Act.
This recommendation came to me from Leora. I watched the first installment at home and liked it and was open to the second. Good. Would you have liked it? Hmmm… I think so. Magicians: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson,Dave Franco and Lizzy Caplanj are the 4 Horsemen, inspired by our fave, Mark Ruffalo, with Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine and Daniel Radcliffe. I snoozed a bit but caught the gist to be able to enjoy the climactic resolution and I left the theater at 4, ready to get back to my womb for some exercise, guitar, cooking for dinner and a bit of writing…
It’s breezy out here Tuv and you would be snuggling against me on my new love seat patiently waiting for 60 minutes. You may not be here to touch, but I don’t feel so alone, I can create you here with me.
Love you, Tuv R., Love you,
Bonnie S.
Digital Bonnie 
He’s in your heart and mind forever.
Imagining those Sunday times is nice to hear about, Bonnie. I hope you’re getting closer, too, to sharing some of that guitar music! Enjoy your busy week!
It is wonderful to hear the sound of closure in your writing and the blue polish is great!
I don’t think closure is the right word. You learn to live with loss. You accept, you learn to live in a different present but the man comes along. I don’t want closure .
I understand. I think I meant closure to the pain..you would never want closure to the love and the experience of living that love.
Yes Bernadette, exactly 😬❤️
To not have regret is a testament to having lived well and loved strongly. This line calls to me: “I took it for granted, all those small, relatively insignificant pieces of life.” I think, how could we not take those everyday moments for granted? When love is rich and deep and constant–the ordinary fits in our pocket and we carry it with us . The insignificant is beautiful like the rest of life.
Yes, this deep, rich love makes the loss bearable❤️