Evening T,
I’ m back home tonight, on the couch listening to the wind gently playing my chimes- just the perfect music to lead me through this letter and the poem below by Mary Ann Reilly who, like me, is grieving the loss of her beloved husband- writing regularly on her blog. Yesterday, when I opened up the question of closure, she responded with this creation that I discovered at 3:30 this morning as I woke from dreaming about you for the firs time since you’ve been gone.
Closure is too final.
To grieve is to first hold loss
tightly fisted to the heart.
There waves of sadness
and longing
overwhelm and silence
our world.
“Are we even living?” we wonder.
And still life pulses
and one day we too
begin to hear
beneath the tumult
of grief, faint
possibilities sounding.
Friends,
all the while love remained,
opening wide spaces
for kindness and clarity to grow.
To live with loss
is to honor the love
we most grieve.
This moment of grace
helps us to gain
our feet and stand;
helps us to see
why there can be no closure.
Here’s Mary Ann’s blog Between the By-Road and the Main Road
At the end of this day, after the first full day of a workshop, Undoing Racism, after a sleep-over at Christine’s working together on our Tell It Digital company, arriving home to a new set of coffee mugs made by Sue Young, I read this poem once again as I posted here for you. I feel the hope in this poem. I feel you with me always as I continue my journey
To live with loss
is to honor the love
we most grieve,
This moment of grace
helps us to gain
our feet and stand;
helps us to see
why there can be no closure.
I’m so glad that I’m walking with Mary Ann through this most difficult year. Thank you for writing this poem.
Thank you friends for walking with me for the last 10 months.
Thank you Tuvia for making this grief so necessary,
Bonnie S.
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From tight-fisted grief to living with it as it loosens. Always appreciate your lessons, Bonnie.
Thanks so much Brian. I appreciate you 🙂
There are quite a number of grieving people on TWT SOL this year. Some grieve husbands, others their mothers. It has been a hard year…
I was also very moved by Mary Ann’s piece today, and found myself reading it again and again. It is nice to connect with people who understand d your new reality and who understand your loss. As for me, I would like closure on certain things surrounding my mother’s death: the pain–all of it, the estate settlement, the cemetery issue, …I want to stop holding on to, and therefore, I would like closure on the anger, on the feeling of betrayal (complicated this one is), avoiding the house, etc. But I know that I cannot have closure on Mom’s death. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her, think about her, want to tell her about something…
I don’t know if the grieving ever really stops, or perhaps it just takes extended vacations every now and then…
In any case, I always read your letters to T and Mary Ann’s poems. When Cheerie writes, it is often about her mother as well. Reading your writing is another way to honor T and Rob and Mom…
Best wishes!
The depth of the love makes the loss so painful. Your final line says it best.
Thank you so much friend. You make this so much easier. Love my Tuvia always!!!!
I hear you Maribeth and feel your journey as well. Thankfully I am spared the issue of dealing with Tuvia’s estate- his sons are taking care of that. I am only there for support. I take Tuvia with me forever. I’m starting to feel that more and more now, without that torturous pain that weighed me down for many months. I’m not looking forward to our planned unveiling at the end of August, but we will be together as a family for it. Love our Slicer community for support.
Knowing others are going through similar situations helps ease the pain. Support groups are so important. The support you have, Bonnie, is a testament to who you are.
Living moments filled with grief are ones of sorrow, pondering, and necessary live in the past but hope for the future moments. I am glad that you and Mary Ann found each other.
It is a good thing to have a friend traveling a similar road, and even for those saddest times, To hear someone else’s words of grief feels a lot less lonely. I haven’t read Mary Ann’s posts, Bonnie, but how wonderful that you two are sharing with each other. It is a beautiful poem.
May Ann’s poems and artwork are astonishing, really. She is able to see the universal in her personal journey through grief. Glad that Tell It Digital is going strong!