I’m here, T, away, spending a few days with Tara at her farm in upstate New York.  Last year, when we were here on your very last trip we sat together on her porch and saw this amazing view.  I loved watching you breathe in the atmosphere even if it was hard, impossible for you to imagine yourself living so far away from “civilization.”

My time here gives me breathing space too. I have time to talk with Tara, to sit quietly, to plan for my HVWP work, to sleep, to live without TV, but of course, not without technology and the NY Times.

As I was clicking around my Facebook timeline I found an old letter I wrote to my friend Eileen when I was in Israel without you for Maya’s wedding, the horrible week after my mom died.  I’m remembering…

It’s early morning my friend,

I actually began this entry with a bout of jet lag at 3AM , totally giving up on sleep, grabbing up my Israeli cell phone and  tiptoeing  into the bathroom for a muffled conversation with Tuvia who was up, of course at a normal 9:15 PM in Paramus and itching to talk.

A long talk… A great talk…

And now still in the darkness the birds are singing to me and I’m remembering the Israel that I’m missing…the sounds of the sea just below our balcony.  I am missing that Israel here in a luxurious condo that I’m sharing with Marla and Jeff, Amanda and Steve.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful to be here with the family to celebrate a wedding but… I’m missing the Israel I share with Tuvia, of course.  How could I not and I’m missing my mom.

It’s the Israel of Tuvia’s  past and our present that we share as we begin  each morning walking out of the lobby of our hotel, crossing the road and immediately removing our sandals to inch our way in the deep, freshly mowed sand to the edge of the sea.

I  grab  my camera  out of its space, while Tuvia offers me freedom from the constraints of bag and shoes allowing me  to capture the experience once again no matter how many pictures I save of sea and sand and humus and pita and strangers that cross the lens of my camera.  I want it all.

I woke up too soon of course.  I was dreaming about my mom and it was good to share it with Tuvia who miles away   could understand why I was up and missing both him and my mom at the same time.

Bonnie S.