Letters to Tuvia#265 Revision(7-12-16)

Morning T,

July feels good.  There’s lots of sunshine-cool mornings and evenings.  There’s rain- we need more.  There”s  HVWP projects approaching, deadlines- healthy pressure.   There’s guests here for dinner- I hosted Michael last night.  Ami and family have settled in and I’m enjoying having them close.  I’ve been walking at the river more.  Yes, solo. Sometimes I move to music, sometimes all I need is the rythmn of the river.

And I have you.

It took months for me to accept that you weren’t coming back in a form I could touch and hold and talk to.  Months.  But I am getting used to life with the 20 years of us.  In fact, that short movie I recently made of us dancing at my 50th party, I play that 2 mintue piece at least once a day and  fills me with power, the power of our love, the coating, the shell that has formed around me as I live in this life.

This is not a new life but more a revision.  All of the pieces are all familiar, I just have to adjust you in the mix.  No, that’s not easy, but it’s getting tolerable. I’m working to turn this horrible loss into something bearable. I’ve stopped fighting and I’m revising…

I used to hate revising my writing.  In fact,  I didn’t.  As a kid, I finished an assignment and turned it in  as fast as possible.  I did the same in college and for years after.  I pushed my rough drafts away.  But then I was a teacher and I had to embrace my writing life to make my modeling experience  for my kids authentic. With the help of my time at Bard and the HVWP I came to embrace the experience.   As I moved into my digital life revision/editing got even easier. In fact,  I love revising my digital pieces, challenged to make the stories powerful especially as we start creating pieces of paying customers.

And yes, beyond my writing life, I’m embracing revision in my life without you here. I’m embracing the journey to joy.  I want to feel the joy I had waking up every day next to you.  This morning I revised the routine of my day.  Shower first so that right now I’m sitting here on my couch and starting to itch for a walk at the river.  I’m dressed and ready to go…

Miss you so much Tuvia Rosenberg,

Bonnie S.

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8 thoughts

  1. We move through our lives with that set routine, and when it’s broken, it fills up with little planning, little thought. I think that it becomes a muddle, which you’ve had, and now I hear you sorting, as you write, revising your life into something good, including Tuvia, but all the other wonder, too. Love the revision happening, Bonnie.

    • I think for me because I moved out of our house I was forced into a new routine and I’ve been building on that routine slowly but this notion of revision is something to think about deeply

  2. I like your idea of revising your life. Things constantly change, sometimes for the good and sometimes not. With each change we need to revise and move on. The nice thing is those drafts we are changing are always there for us to pull out when we need them.

  3. Revision, to re-see, it’s never in our plan to revise but life makes us do it all the time. What a journey life has forced on you this year.

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