Letters to Tuvia:#273: How we continue…(7-26-16)

 

 

Morning T,

Big night last night for us.  Michelle was the hit of the night and her speech will go down in speech history, right beside Barack’s.  Bernie hardcore supports weren’t happy. They even booed Bernie earlier in the day but Michelle turned the crowd around.  She must have been channeling you.

More stars are on their way tonight, tomorrow and Thursday: Joe, Mike Bloomberg,Bill, O, Chelsea and finally HRC, and then we’re off to bring the Clintons back to the White House. Trump frightens us more and more each day but hey, he’s the new head of the Republican Party and my heart goes out to the moderates who have big decisions to make in the voting booth.

For me, as we come to the end of July,  it seems like every week of the summer has had its own unique  shape and focus.  This week my focus is getting a report finished for Andrea as she prepares a case for continuing with  HVWP  professional development at her school.  As you know, I have trouble throwing things away and emails fall into that category as well.  I have my correspondence with Andrea and her teachers since we began and that did bog me down. So after clicking and moving pieces I left them and started working from my memories.  I began at the beginning, took a break and began at the end-.back and forth with lots of breaks for MSNBC.  I can’t stay away.

Oh, as I sat here texting Leora, I did officially join Jdate and  later, Match.com.  Don’t get too excited.  I’m just dipping my toe into the dating waters: flirts, winks, matches…  Honestly, I’m just playing.  As Kristen says, the man who steps in after you will need to wow me.  I don’t know that I will want to share my life with someone else.

Remember,   I am still riding in my car and seeing you fight to stay with us.  I see you exploding in front of me.  I hear you heaving… I reach for your hand and it slumps to your side.

Grieving is like birthing.  You read books, you prepare a will, you set up the baby’s bedroom, you get the stuff, you have the deep conversations and then it happens.  New life arrives, you leave and we are still here to figure it out.  Life with new, enormous challenges.

How do we continue?  How did I get here?

Miss you T,

Bonnie S.

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19 thoughts

  1. Oh Bonnie, Your post is filled with HIGHS amidst the LOWS, FIRSTS among those ever-present memories of ENDINGS and HOLDING ON while trying to LET GO. I hear hope and life emerging from your sorrow on the professional, political and personal plates of your life.

  2. I hadn’t considered this: “For me, as we come to the end of July, it seems like every week of the summer has had its own unique shape and focus.” Isn;t that what grief does? It makes seeing possible future obscure–like fog that thickens and thins. Each new weekend is that: new. Peace to you.

  3. In the midst of your grief comes new ways to look at things, a step into the future with your signing up, Bonnie- wavering, but going on anyway. I imagine this election chaos makes you want to talk with Tuvia even more as I know you had that time in the past together, so exciting and positive in ’04 & ’08. I find it hard not to watch either, always hoping for good news!

  4. You just have no control of the flood of memories. I started writing about the memories of his cardiac arrest in front of me. Those images appear in daytime not in sleep.
    Growing is not for sissies

  5. Knowing what I know about you and Tuvia (and how you were there for President Obama’s inauguration), I think he would’ve been mighty proud to have been watching last night. What an incredible speech the First Lady gave. It reminded me of what I’ve heard Lucy Calkins say time and time again. Don’t just use anyone’s words, write your own. (Yes, I know she has a speechwriter, but you could just HEAR her in that speech last night.)

  6. These are scary days when one considers what may happen in the political world (horrors!). Your world imploded last year and you have survived by finding your inner self once again and the daily chats with Tuvia that you’ve allowed the world to eavesdrop in to support you. Slowly, a new way of living emerges.

  7. The picture combo at the top is awesome, Bonnie. Sometimes, it’s true, we’re low (or others bring us low), yet I take inspiration from you still and steadily reaching for higher ground. Thanks for sharing.

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