Letters to Tuvia#277 Roller Coaster Riding Continues(8-2-16)


Morning T.

Sunshine’s back, Mia’s probably starting to celebrate her 10th birthday already, but tonight we will be bowling with her. (Pictures coming)

Today should be good.  My big report for Andrea’s school district is almost done- draft form of course. It’s now uploaded to Google Docs and hopefully, the revisions will start appearing and  I get to see Sandie today after a long hiatus.

There’s a very causual tone to this particular letter, right?  I’m taveling comfortably at this moment on my roller coaster, level, far away from the downward slide of my last letter on Sunday.   I’m riding in peace for as long as I can because I know it won’t last forever.  I’ll be sliding downward when I least expect it, but over the months, I have built in a set of lifesavers…breathing, moving…changing location.

It’s August-the last month of our first year exisitng separatly  and it’s still so hard to get used to my life without you . I simply miss you.

My Mantra—I miss you… I miss you… Simple.  I miss you.

No worries,  I’m not using that as an excuse to back out of my riverboat cruise down the Rhine next week.  Nope, I’m set.  Suitcases are emptied and open in the study to fill, new clothes/favorite pics- are collecting now on doors.  I’m not excited yet, but yes, I will be and it will be great to be traveling with Sharon and Eddie.  I won’t have to call Ami in the middle of the night to help me navigate to the airport because the driver didn’t show.  Nope, not this time.

My birthday is coming without you here to make the day special.  The day after I’m back home from the river, I’ll meet Ami at the cemetery to see your stone, to bring my rose, to recite some ee cummings… Could that experience possibly be something good?

Here’s comes August T.  I can feel it…


Bonnie S.


12 thoughts

  1. I knew you were going down the Rhine in August, but didn’t know when. You will have a great time! River cruising is so relaxed and laid back. Maybe one day you could join us on a river cruise. Wishful thinking?

  2. I’ve been down the rhine, was a wonderful experience, & hope you enjoy it too. Bring something warmish! I can’t give you hope that the ‘missing” will change, but it has slowly gotten easier, Bonnie. As Bernadette wrote, those anniversaries hold extra feelings, I think. It is indeed a roller coaster. Hope Mia has a grand birthday. Double-digit day is special. Happy Celebration today!

  3. Here’s to enjoying the even days, knowing that the uneven is inevitable. With the loss of my parents, I always felt that the unpredictable nature of grief was the hardest part. Blessings as you navigate your birthday with your beloved Tuva and the anniversary of his leaving coming up. I admire your courage and ability to write about this difficult journey.

  4. I hope your birthday bowling event is filled with happy 10 year old laughter and that your cruise is a once in a lifetime special trip. Those dark times creep in to visit us when we least expect them as well as when we know they will visit. The key, perhaps, is to follow your advice and realize that life is a roller coaster ride.

  5. I too worry and I wonder if the anticipation isn;t worse than the day. For it is another day–one I imagine T (as I have gotten to know him through your letters) would want you to be present for and in doing find a measure of solace. Enjoy the flat ride and perhaps even the sudden elevation. You have the tools for when the downward slide happens. You have this– a place in the world to bear it. Look forward to seeing the river pictures. I hope you live it boldly.

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