We are officially now in Year 2 and I need to keep writing these letters, even if t’s not every day. Thanks to FB Memories I can read the letter from last year just before I begin each new day in year 2. What a great way to process and reflect, remember.
What a long, hard year it’s been, adjusting to life without you here.
And this past week, maybe the longest week of all:
As much as I try to ignore jet lag after a long plane ride, it never lets me. Most mornings I’ve been up at 3:15, often without returning to sleep before the evening. Yes, I’ve been a walking zombie and yes, I’ve been driving a lot. Yesterday was the toughest driving marathon of the week and today I am not going near the wheel of my car. I hope this will be a complete day at home before one last event tomorrow- your unveiling. Well, if I need to escape for a few hours, hmmm Woody’s latest Cafe Society is still playing at the mall.
Last Sunday was a strange day. Not at all what I expected. Of course I’ve been dreading it, preparing for it, writing about it, dreaming about it. And then I lived through it and it was over.
Meeting Ami and Adi at the house. One last walk-thru. Finding treasures…your aroma still lingering but the empty walls signaled the end of our home.
Back at the cemetery, your new grave stone was freshly set. I was Still trying to feel your presence there. I couldn’t.
Life continued at Jane and Michael’s- a vodka, good food, good friends, home… still in one piece.
Monday: Sandie gave me my walking papers. A year of therapy and I’m good to go. No door slammed, but a gentle push, to propel me out into the world after a year of healing with her.
Then two days of powerful, exhausting visioning at SUNY with our Hudson Valley Writing Project. Just the perfect time to move off the couch, out of myself and into a world that keeps me challenged. That’s how I can stay engaged and stimulated in the world and to think, without your insistence that I stick with that first summer institute, I might not have had this amazingly constructive distraction this year.
And yesterday… an early morning return to the gym with Anthony, back with Jenn to take on my life-long fight against fat after a month of excess. and then back on the road… up to Ellenville, back home, then out again to Hoboken and back it to celebrate Kaplan birthdays, and then Rosenberg birthdays.
In the car with great conversations thanks to James and Tara, and Hilda…
One more day to get through, T. Tomorrow we honor you at the cemetery, over a brunch at our Bone Fish.
We miss you my love. What a night you missed at Ami’s new place….
Wish you were here to enjoy a cup of coffee with Bill and Hill