Letters to TuviaY2#36: On the Couch, remembering… Busy (12-6-16)

Evening T,

Yes, I’m on my couch and I’ve been here for most of the afternoon and evening, giving into after effects of  early morning dental prep for a new crown, only my second.  I’m sure you had many more, but I’m not sure that you would have given into a sore mouth for an entire afternoon and evening.  Honestly, I’ve been fighting the urge to feel sorry for myself.  I’ve been up and back.  You pushed me to pick up my guitar and run thru 4 pieces- a promise I made to  Jon.  I’ve been up – exercising on my ellipse- still fighting against fat.  I’ve been up to light candles around me in my space.  I’ve been up for liquids at first and then solid food… but I’ve been here, in this lovely womb for hours.

It’s okay.  I have been digging  paths for this  life under reconstruction.

But these  images I found today and I’m sharing above hit me hard,  remind me of our life   of movement, of color, of adventure.  Early Decembers in Cancun, in Jerusalem- our life of movement that we lived through together- shopping, packing, strolling in sunshine, in warm rain, on the edge of oceans, down wide pedestrian walkways.

Patience is the word of the day  this in my life under reconstruction; it takes timet  to heal a devastated heart.  It takes time, so much time, so much patience with deep breathing…  with a set of learned strategies to get through a day, a week, a month…months… another year… filling in this life without you.

Bonnie S.


4 thoughts

  1. It sure does take time to heal a devastated heart. You’re living proof that it’s possible to move forward, Bonnie. I admire your tenacity to move forward by sharing your raw emotions. You are brave.

  2. Your word choice – devastated – is such a powerful word. You took the “excuse” of dental work to let a tiny bit of your soul heal. Perhaps that is how tenacious humans whose losses leave them devastated heal? The key to living through devastating events may be finding the strength to get up and move towards the light the next day? I hope you see the light shine through today.

  3. Reconstruction continues, slowly. Take that time to lounge in a little self-care of yourself. I love that you still are listening to the voice of Tuvia which pushes you to do more. Keep listening. 🙂

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