It’s the 3rd night of Chanukah and I just lit our menorahs quietly, just to you. I tried getting to my dad for the evening with sleepover at Marla and Jeff’s but between the traffic inching up the Thruway and a call from my cousine Martin, concerned for my dad about walking on black ice, I turned around for the second time in a week and when I got home unpacked another bag. singing without a chorus entering into the chant with tunes of their childhood, softly letting go to the power of the hosts. I loved carrying your delicate menorah with me to Hoboken to share it with the family and even though there are other menorahs it was a given that yours would represent all of us. Here, I light yours and mine together.
I was hoping not to be alone tonight. I put out texts, feeling out the waters to see if friends had a spot for me, but homes are filled to brim with family and after a few tears, feeling sorry for myself, I got up off the couch as quickly as I could and prepped for my guitar lesson. Of course it wasn’t quite as easy as it sounds. I’m still not used to being on my own. I always miss being a part of you, missing our full life of commitments to each other- and my role to keep our calendar filled with lots of stimulating activities.
But by 1:00 I heard Jon walking up the staircase and I jumped for the door, welcoming the guitar workout I knew he would provide. It would be as demanding as I needed for a healthy distraction to my feelings of emptiness and aimlessness.
It’s tricky, living this life without you, especially after full two days with your family in Hoboken, bursting at the seams with acitivty- watching Ami and Adi, race against the clock as their time here in the US will end just before New Year’s. I was envious. I miss the race.
We a coming together, closing in a new circle of family to keep your spirit alive, with us. I tenderly packed your treasured menorah and even though Ami and Adi have a collection to choose from, Mia wanted nothing buy yours for our two nights together. Chanting the prayers together in a chorus…heaven for me. Add to that:
A double matinee with Ami, Mihael and Leora.
A feast, compliments of Adi with Dani and Assia, Ron and Lori joining us.
A menorah cake compliments of Leora’s kithen creativity
and finally Fauda is here in the USA on Netflicks and of course I couldn’t start sleeping until I binged through 3 episodes. Yes, you would love it.
It’s almost 2017, the start to a second year without you,