Shalom T, from Neve Tzedek,

I keep starting a letter and then not staying with it long enough to finish.  It’s not that I’m racing around but I’m never with all the devices I need. It’s easiest to write on my computer and easiest to shoot with my phone and sadly the pictures don’t upload to my computer automatically.  Yes, I’m complaining about nothing much.

Here’s what’s more important:   A  full day of spring, on the first Sunday afternoon of my time here and yes, it feels like a Monday. But  I’m grounded with enough activity under my belt- sensitive and special activity, a passage.

Last year I was existing in a fog, not yet able to live  a life without you.  I just couldn’t participate in the passage of time away from us. And now, a year later I’m  out of the fog, into this life of me, not us.  So on this first true day of Israeli spring I walked from Neve Tzedek all the way to our hotel…passing landmarks of our  20 years of us

As I walked I pulled out my phone camera to document my steps to Sea Suites…past the usual markers- Banana Beach… benches in the middle of the wide taelit, rock formations in the middle of the sea and then the new construction that would have caught you and held your curiosity and given the enormous project of expanding the sea’s walkway, you would have been questioning the staff.  I’m sure of it….

It was a long walk and a warm one as I got closer to our hotel. Flooded by moments of our 20 years… walking together, watching you at the edge of the sea…sharing humus and pita… talking… TALKING… I MISS YOUR VOICE!!!!!

But I’ve moved beyond pain. I started composing Hebrew sentences in my head…

Tuvia was a gift to me…. I was a gift to him… Together. wow, wow, wow.”

Every step another simple memory.  Collected together our lives together areto be savored…

I’m savoring us… and living a  present… good, not yet anything close to US. Maybe that won’t come again…

The Israel we shared and you left for me…

Miss you here. Miss you everywhere,

Bonnie S.