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PAST

Dear Tuvia

I think this is the letter you’ve been waiting for,  but first I need to set it up.

I’ve been crying for the last two hours as I watch the very last two episodes of This is Us.  of course, I’m being manipulated and if you were here watching with me, I would need that box of tissues under the coffee table that you would grab and hand to me.  You would not be tearing up but together we would be engaged with these characters.  I’m sure of it.

But without you hear I’m letting the tears rest on my lids as I write and watch the last moments, before something horrible could (but won’t happen).  This show is filled with family and love and loss… perfect for me.

So here’s why you will like this letter:

Mourning/ grieving hasn’t been easy.  The first year without you was so much harder than I ever imagined, but then you  lived through the loss of Lydia and knew it would be torture for me.  Yes, you were right. I lived submerged in a deep fog.  I woke each day in tears, but I   kept making the bed, drinking a cup of coffee to the news and playing something on my guitar and even on my worst day, when I couldn’t smile, I still had to admit it was worth it all… for

True Love…

I am my mother’s daughter, the daughter of a true romantic and even if I did joke about how she preferred to live her life through rose-clored glasses,  I inherited a version of those glasses.  She raised me on the best romantic books, movies and music and  I believed that one day I would find my that unique  Pride and Prejudice love  and yes,  at 46, with a full blown sinus infection  and on an empty stomach ready for a great bagel smothered in white fish salad and richly brewed coffee to break the Yom Kippur fast, I met you at Rina’s food table.

You respectfully waited for me to drink and eat and relax and then we began on the living room’s love seat, surrounded by eyes of surprise.

It was that view from across the room… two hours and sweet, honest, heated, sexy intensity and I knew.  I knew… you could be the one…

and you were.

And after a second trip to Israel, after a cold March, after a solid year of grieving and a 1/2 year of returning to an anchored place of acceptance and renewal, I am good, peaceful, engaged more and more in this life, looking forward to spring, to summer even if you can’t be here to plan our lives together.

We knew that you would probably leave first… and all I can say is…

Thank you Tuvia Rosenberg  for 20 years of true love.

Love you always,

Bonnie S.